Page 8 of Whole Latte Love

“I suppose it’s a little bit of nervousness around going a date,” I stumble trying to find the right words. “After Seth died, I went on a few dates with the potential for a serious relationship on my mind, but everything just felt messy and wrong. I just feel a little guilty still.”

“It’s been almost ten years, right?” Sally inquires, knowing my history from past talks. “I understand the grief, but you shouldn’t feel guilty.”

“She’s right Marie,” Violet adds. “Seth loved you so much. You guys were the high school sweethearts we all wished would make it the end of time. It was clear to anyone who saw you two. You know he’d want you to be happy. And if dating Theo makes you happy then you should see what happens.”

She’s right. I deserve a chance of happiness. Seth wouldn’t want me to be alone forever.

“He’s only here for a bit though,” I murmur, mulling over their words. The relationship having an expiration date should make me feel easier about it, but there’s something holding me back.

“That’s what they all say,” Bethany giggles through the words and the rest of join her as we think about how they’ve all landed their partners the last few years. One half of each of my friends’ relationships are outsiders who fell in love and decided to move to town.

“Besides, one date doesn’t lock you into anything. Instead, it could help you decide how you feel about dating in general. If you enjoy Theodore’s company, then go on a few dates and have a good time. If it feels weird and uncomfortable, you know he’s leaving town in a week or so and you won’t have to worry about accidentally running into him at the bakery.”

Violet makes a really good point.

I’m nervous and psyching myself out before I even really gave the date a chance. It’s a good plan – go into the date expecting nothing but a resolve of feelings about dating in general. Theo doesn’t have to be the one. He could just be an entertaining night.

Maybe one that ends in another magnificent make out session.

I’ve gone on a few dates. They were weird and awkward. Then a few flings and one-night stands, but everything felt messy. My few hours with Theo at the reception were lovely and I do want to see him again. While I still hold onto a little sliver of guilt, the pressure I’ve been putting myself under about Friday night seems to start to melt away.

“Now, about the kiss…” Sally leans in, asking for the full details. “Tell us about the moment that makes you blush redder than Bethany’s hair.”

I can help but choke on my wine. My living room is full of laughter, and it feels right. While most wine nights are just like this, I’ve never had one where I’m on the spot talking about anything remotely swoon worthy.

“It started with him tucking my hair behind my ear.” I demonstrated, all eyes on me. My friends all too eager for the entire play by play. And I happily deliver.

Before the evening ends, I have an outfit picked out for Friday, half the pastries are gone, and my heart feels full. Romantic love is important, but strong friendships are what has gotten me through the past ten years.

For the first time in a long time, I’m excited about the prospect of going on a date. I find myself going to bed looking forward to date night, the uneasiness never bubbles to the surface.

Now to just get through the next couple of days without overthinking anything.

Theodore

The first deadline to get a huge chunk of my manuscript to my editor is quickly approaching. Basically, half my book is due in a month, plus the overall direction of the book. The movie studio wants to know the direction the series is going as they work on their final casting and scripts.

I’m frustrated though and I still can’t quite figure out the direction to take my detective. I have the story started and I don’t need much to finish and send off to my editor, but I justcan’t figure out the details and stick to it. I’ve changed my mind several times now, rewriting scenes and potential plot points.

My desk is a mess of folders, notebooks, and miscellaneous writing supplies. I much prefer to handwrite bits and pieces, but the major chunks get typed on my laptop.

Sometimes I am as pretentious as my name sounds.

I sort through some of my folders and notes I have scattered about. Everything is disorganized. My mind has been preoccupied since the wedding. I thought maybe I’d dive right back into my story, but alas, I’ve just been thinking about Marie ever since I got home from the reception.

I’ve been daydreaming about her like a love-struck teenager.

Our date is Friday and I keep thinking about her lips.

And the way her dress hugged her hips.

And the way she felt in my arms.

I need to start thinking about baseball or I’m going to be taking another very cold shower that ends in frustration. I can’t believe she’s single.

Maybe she’s divorced or recently got out of a relationship.

I didn’t come to Kastle Harbor for romance. I came for my friend’s wedding and to get over my writer’s block. I need to switch gears and get back to writing. I clean up my desk and try some meditation techniques to help get back on track, but my mind won’t stop wandering. I’m determined to get something written today though. I need to make progress before my date.

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