Page 35 of A Dark Melody

“Yeah.” I nod. “All I write about is my trauma.”

“You do write some dark stuff, but it’s all laced with some hopefulness.”

“More like wishful thinking.”

“Same thing.” He responds.

“My favorite song of yours so far isFeeling Scars.”

He laughs. “That makes sense.”

“What does that mean?” I ask, folding my arms against my chest and staring at him.

He gives my shoulder a squeeze. “It’s one of the darkest songs I’ve ever written. I actually wrote it a day before I tried to kill myself. It only made the album because I enjoyed having that reminder.”

“I think it’s beautiful.”

“You would. It’s a lot like you. Dark, broken, but still beautiful.”

“Is that how you see me?”

“Yes.” He answers gently, pulling me tighter against him. “The most beautiful thing about you is how you’re broken but still holding on. You could’ve given up at any point, but you’re still going, still singing, still living.”

“Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m actually living.”

“You are. Sometimes, living is staying still. Sometimes, you have to plant your feet so the waves don’t knock you over, but that’s still living.”

I don’t really have anything to say to that, so I just lean against him as we walk. I feel his fingers gripping my shoulder, and it makes my heart beat a little faster as I imagine his hands gripping my hips.

“When’s the last time you got off?” I ask softly.

“Last time I had sex.” He says. “Three nights ago.”

“You don’t masturbate?”

“I…” He pauses, still walking. “I don’t really need to.”

“Because you have so much actual sex?”

“Something like that, yeah.” He says. “You?”

“It’s been a few weeks.” I say, but I think that is going to change tonight.

“A few weeks?” He asks.

“Yeah.” I shrug, feeling a little embarrassed.

“I desperately want you to experience oral. I think it will change your whole world.”

“I enjoy giving oral.”

“Fuck.” He says, coming to a stop. “You can’t say that.”

“Why not?” I laugh.

“Because I’m trying to keep from pulling you into an alley and fucking your brains out as it is.”

“You want me?”

---