Page 77 of Two Marlboros

“Do you think it will be enough to ask if they know Michael and William?”

“Sure. I’ll wave a few bills under their noses if the department authorizes it.”

We both smiled at that sentence, and we went back to our office.

Once at the desk, I wondered how Nathan’s day was going, if he had already been to his parents’ house as he had said. I was almost tempted to pick up the phone and text him, but that was an intimacy act I didn’t want to take, not after what I had felt after his hug. Frames of the dream I had, had come back to my mind, that kiss that had only been there in my mind - no, if he wanted to hear from me, he would call me. I could not feed those thoughts.

I could, however, focus on work, on putting the pieces together or at least trying to make sense of the revelation I had about Ryan. Was there any chance of finding him at Webster Hall that night? What questions could we have asked?

These were two questions I hoped to address during the afternoon, and I hoped they were complicated enough to keep my mind from drifting.

Occupying my thoughts with work was indeed a good idea.

15

Night Predators

(?Depeche Mode - Policy of truth)

It was the third cigarette off the schedule, and it was not good. From the opposite sidewalk, on which I had been standing for fifteen minutes now, I could see very clearly what, until a few years before, had been my house. Two floors, white plaster, sloping roof. My parents had indeed crowned the American dream.

I crushed the cigarette butt with the tip of my foot and was tempted to light one last cigarette, but yet another coughing convinced me it was not a good idea.

Dad certainly wasn’t there, otherwise my mother would never have asked me to stop by, but each time it put me on edge. I hoped it was just one of those visits she was asking me to make to spend time with my brother.

I looked around and observed the cars parked nearby, then cast a glance at the garage as well: all clear. I crossed the street and scanned the windows of the house, but I could see no movement inside. I reached the front door and, without much thought, rang. The door opened as far as the chain allowed, closed again, and then I found my mother welcoming me with a big smile.

“Nathan, honey!”

She took my face in her hands and left a loving kiss on my cheek. Behind her, sitting on the living room carpet, there was my brother busy playing with toy cars and toy trains. He was driving a locomotive with his hand and imitating the sound ofsmoke being blown out, but as soon as he saw me, he dropped everything and ran toward me.

“Big brother!”

I let his embrace collide with my knees. I barely stroked his head, hinted at moving, and Jimmy let go. I tried to reach my mother, because I was sure she wanted to tell me something, but I was arrested by Jimmy’s tiny hand in mine.

“Will you come play with me?”

He looked at me with hopeful eyes, and I cast a glance at the toy train and toy soldiers scattered across the carpet. I released myself from his grip, a gesture that made him guess my answer.

“I don’t feel like it now, Jimmy.”

He clung to my shirt. “Come on, please!”

I turned sharply, and he pulled his little fists away.

“I told you I don’t want to!”

His gaze fell lower and lower and his smile vanished in a second. He lowered his arm and walked to the carpet, on which he sat down soon after. He grabbed a locomotive and began to run it on imaginary tracks, but he did not simulate any sound with his mouth, nor did he seem to care about the carriages that were crashing from too bold turns. He splattered the toy soldiers and let the train stall, not thinking that he could move them or make the vehicle take another turn.

My mother motioned me to follow her into the kitchen, and when we were in the room, she pulled the door a little closer so that Jimmy would not hear us. As soon as we were alone, however, I read a note of blame on her face.

“Was that really necessary?”

I huffed. Apparently, I had come to be lectured.

“Did it cost you that much to take two rides with his toy train?” she continued.

I crossed my arms and shifted my gaze elsewhere, but two fingers on my chin brought it right back in front of her eyes, which demanded I said something.

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