Page 23 of Two Marlboros

He was not wrong. Unfortunately.

It was jolting my plans and completely turning around the idea I had of that evening. I just wanted a way to nullify those thoughts, to be in good company; instead, I found myself with that - I didn’t have the heart to call him in any way – in my way, who had been giving me puppy eyes not to send him home.

“Are you coming?” he asked, gesturing me to go with him.

I followed him, for I had little choice. I made my way through a lot of people, as I kept getting shoved and running into children I couldn’t see. I felt my nerves on the verge of breaking, and each person who came at me managed to make me a little more nervous.

We found a slightly quieter space near the perimeter of the facility; and while he searched his back pocket for cigarettes, I regretted not letting him go when I had the chance.

I leaned against the gate that surrounded the area and hoped he wouldn’t be long. I crossed my arms and cast my gaze in the opposite direction from where he was, and quite unexpectedly found the studded girl laughing again, along with her group of friends. I heard the click of the lighter and, a few seconds later, the acrid smell of the cigarette passed under my nose. I held my breath, unwillingly. Why did it always have to come in my direction?

“Do you like her?”

I turned toward Nathan. Along with the smoke, a trail of lavender scent came to me. Was it coming from him?

“What are you talking about?”

He pointed with his chin in front of me. “I’m talking about the black-tailed chick. You’ve been staring at her since we got here.”

Touché. Less stupid than I thought, a better observer than the average person.

“I was just trying to understand the clientele of the place. I’m not interested in girls.”

Nathan chuckled. “Me neither.”

“It was pretty blatant.”

He chuckled as he lowered his gaze a little and cast a glance at the freshly cut grass, still a little damp from the rain of the last few days.

“Do I need to remind you about when you came to the station?” I urged him again.

He laughed again, but this time there was more confidence. His laughter changed imperceptibly, depending on how he felt: this time he had continued to look at me, without lowering his gaze, without blushing.

“I just wanted to have some fun, come on. Did it bother you?”

I turned to look at him, just when the cigarette slipped out of his mouth and the smoke caressed his lips. I felt the nerves stretch. I hated that feeling, yet I couldn’t tell if it was the smoke, which seemed so delicate as it brushed his lips, or something else I couldn’t grasp.

It was strange to be there alone with a guy, since I still considered myself committed. And I found that answer tolerable just because we could barely call ourselves acquaintances, although it bothered me to think that he might find me attractive or hit on me, all things I didn’t want to know about.

“I’m just not interested right now.”

His smile changed again. He was pulled to one side, his lips tight, his head tilted just to the right. He was an open book.

“Sorry.”

“For being inappropriate?”

He stifled an embarrassed laugh. Eyes downcast. It almost felt like I was violating his intimacy by reading him like that.

“For this situation. I guess you don’t take much pleasure in being here, and certainly not with me.”

He was letting the cigarette burn, without inhaling. Perhaps he had forgotten about it for a moment, assuming it was possible to forget he had a lit cigarette between his fingers.

“For once, though, I didn’t get into trouble myself,” he continued. “If and when I see Ashton again, he better hide,” then burst into a giggle. I imagined him running after Ashton yelling who knows what at him, and that thought made me smile.

Ashton. How had he ever thought of organizing such a thing?

“I’m all for it. Any ideas?”

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