Page 162 of Two Marlboros

I remembered those notes. I remembered only one, actually: the one Nathan had shown me when I had gone to his apartment, the one he had found at the McDonald’s, the one he had asked me for help with because he didn’t know how to interpret it. He had taken it and showed it to me because he hoped to understand more about Harvey and Ryan, just that one. There was no other reason, and Ash knew that very well.

“Alan, I believe that Nathan is somehow involved in this. He knows details he shouldn’t know, a friend of his was arrested for the robbery and-”

“Wait, what is that supposed to mean?”

“Think about that for a moment. Let’s start with the assault: do you really believe the little story he told us about Ryan?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

He rolled his eyes. “He thought about it too much. He knows very well why you were attacked, but for some reason he pretends not to.”

I thought back to how those six had treated Nathan and how they had humiliated him, and I was filled with a sense of annoyance to think that from the outside that attitude could be mistaken for feigned indifference.

“Now you’re exaggerating,” I retorted. “And if you’re thinking that the attack was Harvey’s doing, I remind you that that’s just your assumption.”

“Alright, let’s make it just my assumption. But don’t you notice anything? Nathan knows Harvey, Harvey knows Ryan, Ryan is involved in the drug robbery, Nathan knew about it and didn’t say anything-”

“You can’t be so sure he knows.”

“You told me, didn’t you?”

The words died in my throat. Yes, I had been the one to report to him that suspicious phrase Nathan himself had innocently addressed to me, and together with Ash I had pondered the implications of such a statement only a few days earlier.

“Alan,” he continued, then put his hands on my shoulders. “He knew about the robbery and the fact that drugs were involved. As I said, he couldn’t have known unless he was actively involved in it.”

I barely flinched and he removed his hands. “Or there’s another explanation.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“What if Nathan recognized Ryan, maybe not right away, but after he came back and made that statement about the color of his eyes?”

Ash ran a hand over his chin, thoughtful. “Yes, he might have. But he should have told us anyway, and he didn’t.”

Ash was right: even if my guess was correct, Nathan still should have told us about his suspicions. Was there a good reason why he hadn’t?

“Maybe he’s involved in this, maybe he’s not,” he continued, “but you’ll admit that in any case there’s something jarring.”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions,” I retorted as confidently as he did. “I want to check that report you were telling me about first.”

“In fact, that’s exactly what you’re going to do.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that while you will be busy proving that you can keep your private life and work separate, I and another team will proceed with Ryan’s arrest.”

“What?!”

He shrugged. “Decisions from above.”

A half chuckle escaped me. Decisions from above, sure. Maybe with a little nudge from him, after romanticizing that too much direct romantic involvement on my part was hurting the investigation. I had not forgotten what he had told me about Nathan’s statement.

“I’ll do as Church asks, don’t worry. You’ll keep me updated on the rest.”

He reacted with a grimace of annoyance, as if he had expected a different answer. However, contrary to what he believed, I had no intention of making him look like an idiot with Church, nor of compromising the investigation with my feelings for Nathan.

And perhaps, I told myself, it was time to get both points down on paper.

29

---