Page 153 of Two Marlboros

“Alan, why don’t you sit down too? Come on, pull up a chair, there’s another one over there!”

Nelly’s elation was irrepressible. Finally, seeing me hesitant for a moment, she was the one who got up and pulled the chair closer to me. As she sat back down, she began to speak again.

“Oh, then I had seen right! That’s your father out there!”

If there had even been a smile on Nathan’s face, that immediately disappeared as soon as he heard those words.

“My father? That’s impossible.”

“Look, it’s just hard for me to forget that face. And besides,” she continued, turning to me, “you saw him too, didn’t you?”

I shrugged. “I can’t say for sure, but there is indeed a certain resemblance.”

Nathan slid his eyes from me to Nelly, from Nelly to me. Maybe he thought it was a joke and we were going to burst out laughing, but it wasn’t a joke. Nathan’s father was really out there.

“He seemed very apprehensive about you,” I tried to reassure him. “As soon as he saw the doctors, he ran right over to them to see how you were doing.”

Nathan slid his gaze over us again. He barely arched his eyebrows, in disbelief. “You are sick.”

“Instead, I think he wants to talk to you. I think he’ll want to come in as soon as we’re gone.”

Nathan turned his head toward the window, then immediately lowered his eyes, thoughtful. He looked at his watch, perhaps to see how long it was until the end of the visits. There was only fifteen minutes left, and I almost thought he was going to ask us to stay those fifteen minutes just to avoid meeting him. He went back to staring at the window, from whichhe might have hoped to escape, but the jump would only end up breaking his ribs, which were left whole.

He sighed, after which he turned back to us. “Alright, I’ll try to hear what he wants, but I already know it won’t be anything good.”

“Can’t it be that he’s just worried about you?” Nelly suggested.

He clicked his tongue. “Nope. He wants something, for sure.”

Nelly placed her hand on Nathan’s and a twinge suddenly ran through me. They were very close, and I wondered how many other people he had such a relationship with that I knew nothing about. However, I had no right to feel that way or to want to know what Nathan’s acquaintances were, because I had chosen to let him go and I had to be consistent with myself. If Harvey had popped up at that moment - a fact I doubted, but it was still possible - I could not have said anything. Nathan had hit on me, and I had refused, end of story. I did not know whether or not I had made the right choice, but I was sure I would find out very soon.

I said goodbye to Nathan with great concern. Nelly and I left the room and we both noticed Nathan’s father standing outside waiting, with a worried expression that I had often glimpsed in his son as well. It was amazing that the two of them shared the same blood, the same facial grimaces, and, to some extent, even the same gait; yet, other than that, there was nothing else to unite them, as if they had ended up on Earth for a punishment that forced them to be bound for eternity.

The man first crossed my gaze, then Nelly’s; the two stared at each other for a long time, as if they recognized each other, and indeed they might have. A little later Nelly let go and lookedahead again at a brisk pace, remembering a moment later that she would have to slow down to stand beside me.

When we were close again, I thought she would say something about the incredible coincidence fate had in store for us. She had known Nathan for a long time and seemed to have taken a great liking to him, judging by the apprehension with which she had peppered him with questions to make sure he was alright.

Instead, she said nothing about it. When she found a few doors open, she threw a glance at the people inside them, then kept walking forward, unfazed.

“You’re so quiet.”

She turned and smiled at me. “I just need to regroup a bit now that the adrenaline is down,” she said, after which she was silent for a few seconds until she sighed. “I’ve been reliving some things.”

“So have I.”

“And I’m worried about you,” she added, then paused and I did the same. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, it’s fine. I can stand on my own two feet,” I replied, and she chuckled when I raised a crutch to support the statement. She threw her arms around my neck and hugged me, but without me being able to reciprocate.

“I don’t want to lose you too,” she whispered. It was at that moment that I remembered what had happened in the recreation room, how scared she must have been.

“It won’t happen,” I reassured her. I let my body be a support for her, just breathing, saying nothing, as still as we had been at Oliver’s funeral. She did not caress, squeeze or loosen me; she just wanted me to be there for her, as she had been there so many times for me. I just bent my head, which rested on hers, and she responded with a little sigh and nothing else. I listened to Nelly’s chest rise and fall, so that soon the rhythm ofmy breathing synchronized with hers, and moment by moment, a feeling of peace and security ensued that until then I had found only in solitude. The body became lighter, and the mess in my head too, and for the first time in all those long hours, a genuine smile broke out on my face. I felt the weight of Nelly’s head on my shoulder, her hands behind my neck, and I told myself that I could never wrong her, not her, whom I considered a sister.

Our embrace lasted for another minute, until it was interrupted by the vibration of my cell phone. She jerked a little and pulled away from me, then I looked around to figure out where to put my crutches down to pick up the phone.

“Come on, I’m going, answer it.”

“No, stay! It will only take a moment.”

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