Page 148 of Two Marlboros

A pair of arms grabbed me from behind without me even having time to see it; two boys pinned Alan down and did the same to me. He screamed and tried to free himself by kicking, but he received just as many kicks.

The other two boys were in front of me. The bat was in front of my eyes. The arms of those brutes were gripping too tightly for me to do anything. I tried to wriggle out of them, but they were too strong. My heart wanted to get out of my chest, I looked at Alan and in his eyes I read terror. This wasn’t really happening. It didn’t make any sense. What were they going to do to me? And what was going to happen to Alan? I still tried to break free from that grip with tears in my eyes. One of the two boys came up, with a grin, and planted a kick in my stomach.

I spat out saliva. My breath broke and I bended in two for pain.

“Come on, you little slut, fight back!”

I heard them snicker again as I gasped for breath from the stabbing pain in my stomach, which began to fade after a few seconds. That nickname…

“Maybe you’re not giving him the right stimulation,” another voice added. “Try pulling your cock out, he’s surely going to suck it.”

I was shaking. I was breathing badly, and shallowly. In fact, too much. Too often. Too hard. The guy in front of me grabbed my chin in his hands and pulled it up. I was forced to look at him. He was slimy, and I was shaking. And I wasn’t breathing.Held still like that, they could have done anything with me. My legs trembled even more. If they had relented and I knelt down, would that threat have become a reality? I was breathing too much. Too hard. Again.

“How much do you want to suck me off, you little slut? If you’re good, I’ll even let you spank me while you’re busy with it.”

He let go of my chin and I squinted. They laughed, they all laughed. They stopped just to call methat, then a hand actually spanked me. Gross. The blow on my buttock made a dull noise. Some of them whistled, others laughed, and said something else I didn’t want to hear. I was no longer breathing, or I was breathing too much and making too much noise. The feeling of that touch did not want to go away. I was about to vomit. I felt Harvey’s dry fingers inside me and another pair in my mouth, which I hadsuckedon that occasion. No, I wasn’t supposed to cry. Fuck no.

“That’s enough, bitches!”

That was Alan. He had witnessed the whole thing. He had heard what they had called me, he had seen that hand that had touched me. But I didn’t want him to leave. They wouldn’t touch me as long as he was there, they would create an inconvenient witness. I felt Harvey’s inside me again and the need to drive it away.

“Shut up over there, I’m not talking to you,” the creep answered him. “And you don’t make that face,” he continued toward me. “Everyone knows you like certain things.”

I reopened my eyes and spat in the creep’s face. The next moment I realized what I had done, but it was too late to go back. Another kick came. A stream of saliva came out of me, more dripped from my gaping mouth.

Then they left me. I brought my hands to my abdomen, but felt no relief.

A hook made me taste the asphalt, face to the ground; my nose hurt, and I tried to touch it. A kick to the stomach and I almost didn’t breathe; another came in the opposite direction, and I screamed.

I looked up to face them, but terror froze my blood as the bat rose. It came down on my back.

Crack, and the world became dull.

“Leave him alone, you pieces of shit!”

Kicks, again. So many, together, Alan’s cries in the background, tears on my face, and the ground I was eating. My legs trying to get back on my feet, but I was always there, breathless, watching the darkness, a streetlight, and tears.

Alan’s feet were wiggling, and there was blood on the ground, and another kick… the pain was eating at me - STOP! - and the laughter of those guys there, saliva dripping from me, no one who had stopped to help… another kick, Alan’s screams, and the fear that I would not be alive later, - ENOUGH! - and the club still coming down on me, and...

26

Fragments

(?Enya - Watermark)

A drop landed on the glass. It began to descend slowly, straight ahead, following its path. It made a detour and began to advance crookedly, at times uncertain, until it blended with the wetness that was already on the windowsill. More drops crashed down, others soaked the leaves of the trees, others my face.

There was darkness. Outside and inside. I was dry, but ridged with rain. It ran down my cheeks and followed the shape of my face, after which the drops reached my chin, hesitated a little, swung, and ended up on the ground. Splattered. In a pool of blood.

There was terror in his eyes, there was his body on the ground, and next came the kicks and the bat.

He had barely screamed. With each blow he had jerked, as if unable to offer any resistance. Then they had left him. His eyes were staring straight ahead, his mouth wide open and blood all around. I was free. I had shaken him. As I moved him, his eyelids had drooped just a little.

I didn’t even know if he was dead or alive.

There were no family members for him. He was alone. He was alone even when they had beaten him up.

I could have wiggled more. If I had pushed a little more, I was sure, I would have gotten free. I should have tried harder, but I hadn’t. I should have threatened them, but I hadn’t. I had only shouted at them to leave him alone - bullshit! I only had little more than a sprained ankle. He was still being evaluated.If anything serious had happened to Nathan, I would never have forgiven myself.

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