Page 104 of Two Marlboros

“Besides,” I added, “I want to try to do something for myself. California is not just a whim, and you know it.”

She nodded, and the time she spent looking at her feet gave me a hint that she had no intention of arguing back. Exhausting that topic reminded me of the coffee I was clutching in my hand, so I drank a little bit, even though it was already getting cold.

“What about your very complicated story instead?”, I asked, only to realize the next moment that perhaps it was not a great topic of conversation. Nelly, however, snapped out of the thoughts she had been lost in, and turned a bittersweet smile on me.

“I’ve decided to back off.”

“But why?”

“It is a story that would have neither a present nor a future. But after all, to love is to want each other’s happiness, right? And I’m trying to do that. I want to see him happy.”

I had been inappropriate in asking her that question, and I realized it only when her eyes became glazed over. I still hadn’t learned to count to ten before I spoke.

I squeezed the coffee tighter, as if it could have shielded me from all that embarrassment, but I still felt uncomfortable in front of her suffering. It was her who got me out of the way, addressing me with a smile first and then with a sketchy laugh.

“Take it easy, it’s alright. I’ll try to hang out with Noah some more and see how it goes. He’s a nice guy, all things considered.”

Nelly told me more about the new helper and their dates, from which I guessed that Noah was quiet and reserved, and that she liked him at the end of the day. It seemed a little like a rebound, but I kept that impression to myself, relieved that perhaps I would see her a little more serene.

My phone rang. I barely had time to notice Nelly’s more relaxed expression before I grabbed the phone and blanched at the sight of the sender. I stared at the screen dumbfounded, ready to find out if my life would change the way I wanted it to.

I pressed the button to answer. “Hello?”

“Nathan Hayworth? Hi, this is Sullivan, about the ranch job.”

I opened my eyes wide, as Nelly’s questioning expression searched for answers I couldn’t mimic.

“Yes? Is there any news?”

“I wanted to tell you the job is yours.”

I felt breathless, but the smile on my face was enough for Nelly to let out a choked cry. The rest of the conversation with Sullivan faded from my mind because of the excitement I was feeling, but basically it was just about some bureaucratic paperwork.

When I hung up, I stared dumbfoundedly again at the phone I was clutching in my hand. Still open-mouthed, I met Nelly’s gaze for a moment before screaming and clutching her to me. The job at the ranch was mine, and mine was also the chance to start a new life, to find the space that no one had ever given me.

“I’m so happy for you!” she exclaimed in excitement, after loosening our embrace.

“But why…?” I retorted with a laugh, “Ten minutes ago you said I better not leave.”

Nelly rolled her eyes and huffed, “Oh, you just go on and on! Only, if you’re happy, so am I!”

“Wait, it’s not like I’m the one you’re in love with, is it? In fact, it would be a complicated love.”

She burst out laughing heartily. “How did you come up with that?”

She laughed again and seemed finally relieved of whatever had troubled her up to that point, so I let that laughter infect me as well.

The stimulation wore off soon after, but not the stunned grin I still had on my face.

“So, are you going to celebrate now?”

The prospect proved tempting, but I quickly remembered the commitment I had made for that afternoon.

“I’m actually busy,” I replied. “Some sort of investigation.”

“Oh, wow,” she exclaimed, “I see you’re already under the cop’s spell.”

“Shut up, that’s something I was going to do anyway!”

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