Page 31 of Two Marlboros

“Yeah,” I replied, and let out a sigh that didn’t relieve me at all. “I guess they were waiting to be able to get married or something.”

I looked up at Nelly again and she continued to look shocked at that news. In fact, I hadn’t reacted all that differently myself.

“We accidentally switched phones,” I continued. “So now I even have to see him again to give it back. I want to disappear so much...”

Nelly nodded and gradually regained color, although her eyes were still wide open.

“So, in short,” I added again, “this was supposed to be a fun game and instead I’ve uncovered a Pandora’s box.”

Nelly nodded again and cleared her throat.

“So, I’d say it’s not appropriate for you to continue dating him, right?”

“It’s not like we were dating,” I replied, and dropped my pen on the crossword puzzle. “But in any case, it doesn’t seem like a good idea, no.”

“I agree. Also, because of California in the way you’d only break his heart. By the way, about your father? Have you told him about your likely departure?”

I shrugged. “I haven’t told him anything yet, because it’s a big mess as usual,” I began, and a lump in my throat came without warning. “I’m going to see my mother and Jimmy when he’s gone and run away before he comes back.”

I watched my fingers cross, then swallowed to chase away that emotion, one of too many. Nelly’s hand rested on my back and began to massage it, so I turned to her and found her barely sketched smile.

“You can’t go on like this forever, you know that, too.”

“Yeah,” I replied, and the rest of the sentence died in my throat. I tightened my lips, but it wasn’t enough to keep my eyesfrom glazing over, or to chase away the last memories I had of my father, none of which were pleasant.

“You have to find a way to solve this situation,” she continued. “That is, if you’re still interested in mending the relationship with him.”

I only nodded, as my gaze wandered to the crate, then to the pen lying on those abandoned crossword puzzles. I felt my body barely shaking, despite the muggy August heat, and a chill shook me.

“Why don’t you try to stay next time you go to your folks’?” he suggested.

“I can’t do it,” I muttered. “I can’t.”

“Hey,” she whispered, and I found her eyes large and full of affection again, “of course you can do it. You’re smart, Nathan. And who you sleep with is none of his business anyway, remember that.”

I let a laugh out at that last sentence, and even for that time the lump in my throat was successfully driven back. I blinked a few times and felt my eyes gradually dry up.

“I guess I’m just afraid of what might happen,” I replied with a firmness I was happy to regain.

“But after all, what do you have to lose? He’s already kicked you out you anyway.”

“He could always kill me,” I retorted, but I wasn’t sure I had made a joke. Nelly, however, laughed.

“Does it seem to you that James Hayworth could ruin his reputation as a great architect with murder?” she said and let out a second laugh. “But go figure. At most he’ll scream in your face, and that certainly wouldn’t be anything new.”

We both laughed, and I felt a little lighter at the thought that Nelly didn’t find the idea of fixing the relationship with my father stupid. There wasn’t much to make up, that had to be said, but in any case…

“Man, I have to go,” she said again, lowering her eyes to the watch on her wrist. “If I leave the bookstore closed too long, the customers will call me missing.”

“Go, I won’t keep you any longer.”

She got up from her stool and retrieved her bag, but just before crossing to the other side of the counter she stopped in front of me.

“Are you feeling better?” she asked.

“Yes,” I replied, and grabbed her nose with two fingers to make her laugh in thanks. “You still haven’t told me how you are, though.”

Nelly stopped laughing suddenly and frowned for a moment, still with a smile on her lips, but said nothing. I sustained her gaze for a few more seconds, but finally she relented and lowered her eyes to the crossword puzzle.

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