Page 179 of Two Marlboros

I came back to the present, waiting for Nathan to say goodbye because I thought he had nothing more to say to me, but I realized that he wanted to tell me something else, and I felt embarrassed because that deduction denoted a familiarity with him, an intimacy that I wanted to make my own but couldn’t quite grasp.

“Actually, there’s one other little thing I’d like to ask you.”

“Yes?”

He paused again.

“In your opinion ...” and he let another four - or five - seconds pass, “...is it possible that someone could have engineered all this to lay the blame on me?”

“What do you mean by ‘all this’?”

“I mean...” another pause followed, “the cell phone, the notes, the assault... everything. All studied.”

I had always branded Ash’s idea as absurd because it involved Nathan and I wanted to believe in his innocence, but the idea that someone could have engineered and maneuvered it all had a rather interesting flavor.

“Explain yourself. Why would someone use you for this?”

“Because I’m naive,” he replied dryly. “And because I always trust the wrong people, which makes me the perfect scapegoat tolay the blame on when things go wrong. All thought out from the beginning.”

His last sentence made me think of two things: the first was that it didn’t sound like an idea that had come to him out of nowhere, but it seemed that he had thought about it at least a little; the second was that it gave the impression that the someone he was talking about had a first and last name for him. And maybe he had one for me, too.

“Nathan, if you suspect someone you should say so.”

“And for what? To get in even more trouble for something I didn’t do? I had to mind my own fucking business, that’s what.”

“Nathan-”

“...And I didn’t even have to come and make that statement right after the robbery. Ten bucks that’s where it all started. Fuck you, fuck you. I should have kept quiet.”

His voice was shaking.

“Nathan...”

“...and instead I got myself into this mess, because I’m an asshole! The day I learn to keep my mouth shut will be a big step for humanity.”

“Nathan!” I blurted out.

“What?!”

His voice had broken completely, and I heard him cry. I would have given anything to be able to comfort him, to be near him. Nathan was not a criminal, no, but maybe someone else was. Someone we had both had the misfortune of knowing.

“Sorry...” he whispered after seconds of sobbing. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired of all this mess, and the worst part is that I don’t know how to get out of it.”

Yes, I would have given anything to be able to hold him, to caress him and tell him everything would be alright.

“Do you want me to come over?”

“No,” he answered without even thinking about it. “I told you, if you want to do something for me, find a way to help me. And please don’t report me for bribery or anything like that.”

That last sentence brought a smile to my face. He was not actually in a position to make such a request of me, but it made sense. I had to find the truth, to shed light on the whole affair that began with the July the 30th robbery; I owed it to him, but I also owed it to that Justice I had sworn to serve.

“I will do everything I can to help you. I promised you, and I’m telling you again.”

Perhaps even I was in no position to say such a thing to him, but after all, it was hard to stand when a hurricane was sweeping over you.

“I’m going to bed, I’m tired,” he said after a while. “I’ll come tomorrow to make an official statement on the phone. Good night.”

“Good night, Nathan.”

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