Page 9 of Arrow to my Heart

Every hit of his hand, I took. When he choked me, I just laid there. He wanted a doll to use and ruin, so I gave him one. I had no choice.

As I pull down the mirror in my car to wipe away the smeared mascara, I take a few deep breaths. Tears cascade down my bruised cheek, and my fingers tremble as I touch it.

A sharp inhale echoes in the space around me when the ache registers. Bile rises in my throat. This time, I push it back down. I push, shove, kick, and fight with all I have to never let this side of me show.

I can do this. I can be this girl. I can play this part.

My papa might not want this for me, but this is what I’m good at. I got all of the information and all I had to do was give the piece of garbage a few holes. I was just playing the part.

My hands shake as I press the button to start my car, knowing full well I shouldn’t be driving. I make it about three miles away before I pull over and vomit on the side of the road.

Then, I get back in my car and dial my papa's number. The second he answers, I flip back into character.

“I have the information, Papa.”

“What did it cost you?”

Could he know? Did he have someone planted there that told him?

“This is what I was made for, Papa. Don’t take it from me. Now get a pen, they gave me everything.”

I tell him the whole plan, and I have no doubts that he’ll have everything fixed and Radon taken down by this time tomorrow. I focus on that thought instead of the pain that radiates all over my body, in places I never expected such agony to stem from.

Thoughts of my father warning me flash in my head as I drive. I don’t even know where I’m going at this point. All I know is I have to decide right now who it is that I’m going to be. By the time I make it home, I need to know the part that Laney DeLuca is going to play. Am I going to cry myself to sleep? Or am I going to accept what happened and start taking precautions to make sure it never happens again?

This is what I was made for. This is who I have to be.

Chapter 5

I try to control myself, really I do. But when I hear another whimper coming from behind Laney’s door, I lose all sense of control and barge in. What I walk into isnotwhat I expected to find. I thought maybe she was upset about Arrow, or upset with me and crying again. That hurt enough. But the sight that greets me is so much fucking worse.

Laney is on the floor, in the fetal position. Her body is shaking as tears stream down her face. I rush towards her, but the second my hand makes contact, she sits up and pushes me away. The dazed look in her gaze tells me she doesn’t even know she’s doing it, so I try again. This time, more slowly.

“Hey there, my unicorn.”

The fog in her eyes clears but the tears don’t stop. I reach out to touch her again. She lets me. Pulling her into my lap, I hold her tightly.

It’s as if a dam breaks and she falls apart. Her face nestles into my neck as she cries, tears and snot mixing together to create a large wet spot on my shirt as her nails dig into me. She tugs so hard on the cotton that the fabric rips, but I don’t care. Something else is going on, and I refuse to leave her this time. I won’t let her fight this alone.

“Talk to me, baby girl.”

Stroking her hair, I rock us back and forth. She’s hyperventilating because she’s so upset. She gasps for air, trying to force the words out, but that doesn’t seem to help her. I squeeze her tighter to me, hoping to bring her comfort while she works through her emotions.

“It’s okay. Just breathe.”

She doesn't though. She continues to struggle for breath, on the verge of a full-blown anxiety attack. So, I’m forced to take drastic measures to bring her back to the present.

Standing with her in my arms, I carry her to the bathroom. After I flip on the water, I bring her under the cold spray with me. Dr. K has been helping Evie with her panic episodes by pressing cold things to her neck, so this has to do something for Laney too, right?

As soon as the freezing spray touches her face, she inhales small gasps of air until her lungs inflate fully, and I immediately turn the dial to warm.

“What the…fudgeballs, Havoc?” Her teeth chatter as she speaks and her body goes rigid when she realizes it’s me.

I let out a breath of relief when she holds onto my neck like a lifeline. I’ve never seen her like this before. I figured she might have some trauma. I mean, who doesn’t? But, seeing her zonedout and sweating through her clothes, her chipped nails pulling at my shirt as she sobbed her fucking eyes out. That nearly brought me to my knees.

“I’ve never seen you like that before,” I say as the water starts to warm. “I couldn’t just let you lay there and wither away.”

Her back is still as straight as a board, but as the warm water drenches every inch of our clothes, she begins to relax in my hold.

---