Page 122 of Impromptu Match

Exhaling a slow breath, I turned. And froze.

Sweat bloomed over my whole body as I stared up at the enormous decal of Holt’s photocopied testicles taking up the entirety of the far wall.

Oh my good god.

It was so far from whatever I might’ve been expecting that I couldn’t tear my eyes away. And I knew they were his without a doubt, because I was intimately acquainted with Holt’s balls. I could see the piercing. And the familiar, endearing unevenness.

Suddenly, I could remember the pair of us giggling as Holt stripped off his lower half before I helped him climb up onto the photocopier. Seb and Larkin had still been with us at that point, because Holt had drunkenly yelled at them to look away and protect his modesty. After his dick and ass were already out.

Oh my god. Please tell me this was the worst thing we did.

I was still staring up in stunned silence at the gigantic print of my boyfriend’s nuts when I heard a gasp behind me.

“Oh my good lord.” Sharon from Accounts appeared beside me, handbag dangling limply by her side and her eyes wide. Then she giggled almost hysterically, clapping a hand over her mouth. “Oh my goodness.”

I went hot all over, fighting the confusing boner that was trying to form as I gazed at Holt’s enormous testicles.

“Y-yeah,” I croaked. “Um…”

“Tamsin is going to be furious,” Sharon hissed between giggles. “Oh my word, Taylor, can you believe this?”

“No,” I said faintly. “I can’t.”

“Is that a… piercing?” Sharon peered closer, then fluttered a hand over her face with another hysterical laugh, cheeks bright pink. “Goodness. How… exotic. Who on earth in this office has a pierced—”

“Good morning, Sharon.” The eager voice of Tim from HR interrupted her, before we heard him splutter and start choking as he strolled into the break room. “Oh… no. Oh no, no, no.”

Sharon piped up. “Tim, it’s a pierced—”

“Please vacate the room immediately, you two.” His voice was strangled. When I glanced back, his face was turning purple. “This is… HR violation… Gross misconduct… Sexual harassment, surely… Oh god.”

Sharon giggled and nudged me as we turned to leave before Tim had a heart attack.

“I am so sorry you had to see this, Sharon,” he said stiffly, then narrowed his eyes at me in suspicion. “This is so completely inappropriate. I assure you, I will find the culprit of this… obscenity.”

“Oh, it’s just testicles, Tim.” Sharon waved her hand.

“Testicles have no place in a work environment.” He turned an even deeper shade of purple. “Except… well, I suppose the ones attached to the… workers… Not that I’m referring to mine,” he blurted. “I wouldn’t—I would never discuss my, um, testicular… situation in the workplace.”

As Sharon and I shuffled out of the room, I peered back and managed to snap a picture of the wall on my phone while Tim was hurrying toward it. He started trying to pick at the edge of the decal, letting out a strangled sound of horror when it wouldn’t come away at all.

He must have been so eager to come and say good morning to Sharon that he hadn’t noticed the other photocopies littered around the bullpen. Neither had I, to be fair, but as Sharon veered off to her cubicle, she burst into another fit of giggles. I turned to see her holding up the same photocopy of my boyfriend’s ballbag. Only he’d signed this one. Autographed it. With an H x.

They were everywhere. Left on every desk, pinned on every cubicle wall. Stuck to the whiteboard behind the front desk. I was surrounded by a sea of Holt’s testicles.

Other people had started arriving for work, and soon gasps and smothered giggles were ringing out all over the office as I kept my head down and powerwalked to my desk, sending the photo I’d taken to Holt and typing frantically.

This was the rush job you ordered last night.

He replied a few seconds later.

Shitting hell.

Before I could respond, another text came through.

Although actually, that’s pretty hot. I understand it might be too difficult, but if you’re able to take a selfie of you licking it…

Then another.

---