Page 32 of Keeping the Human's Heart

By afternoon, I can’t think of anything but her being found by soldiers and cut down like wheat. I find Drazak once again trying to fix something, but he’s doing more harm than good.

“We have to go look for her,” I say, standing over his shoulder.

“She’s gone, Han.” He doesn’t even look up. “We won’t find her.”

“So you’re going to give up on trying?” I demand. He pauses what he’s doing and his ear twitches, but otherwise he doesn’t answer me. “You’re going to leave her out there to die?”

His shoulders tense. “What else can I do? She wanted to go. I tried to stop her. But I can’t make her come back.” He turns the wrench roughly. “I can’t force her to love us again.”

The words burn.

“I just want the chance to convince her,” I say, my voice rising. “That’s all. She was scared. Now she’s out there alone. If we could find her, I know she’d come back.”

When Drazak turns to me, the only emotion on his face is despair.

“She already has a day on us,” he says, and it comes out hoarse. “We’ll never catch up to her. We have no way of knowing which way she went.”

How can he give up when she’s done so much for us, when she’s a part of us?

“Fine.” I turn around and head back home. “I’m going. You can stay.”

Drazak’s on his feet in a second. “You can’t be serious. You’ll be looking for days, or weeks. What about the war? There are humans out there, too. Soldiers everywhere.”

But right now, I don’t give a fuck who’s out there besides our Esme. I will do whatever I have to do to get her back, even if I do it alone.

Leaving Drazak there, I head into the kitchen and start packing my bag. I bring what rations we can possibly spare, not knowing how long I’ll be gone. The door flies open and Drazak comes in, putting both hands on my shoulders.

“This is a bad idea—” he begins.

I shake him off and grab my bag, heading for the door. “I don’t care what you think.” My gaze levels on him. “I have to find her. That’s what she means to me. It’s what I would do for you, too. What she would do for you.”

He flinches. I can tell then, by the look in his eyes, that he is a husk without a will to fight, a shell of himself without Esme here to be his heart, too.

“You shouldn’t go alone,” he grumbles. I stand by the fire pit as he pulls out a bag and stuffs it full with the rest of our food, everything left in the house, then heads to the door. “You coming?” he asks.

Drazak doesn’t intend to come back. If we’re going to do this, we’re going all-in.

Esme

Drazak doesn’t find me that night, but at first dawn, I start moving again in case he and Han’zir come looking for me. The hurt and the rage drive me deeper into the woods.

I manage to find a few things to eat along the way, stopping at a big thicket of blackberry bushes to fill my aching stomach. Where am I going? So far I haven’t encountered any trollkin, but surely my luck will run out soon. I wonder how the war’s gone since I left the front lines. Did that redheaded woman make it out alive?

Do whatever you have to do to survive.

That was the first time anyone had suggested to me that trollkin weren’t too different from us. Now I think that’s true. They’re just as capable of being manipulative bastards as humans are.

My legs are getting tired. I’ll need to rest again soon, and hope that eventually I find someplace safe, somewhere far from this war. I don’t know how long I’ll need to walk, but I’ll keep going as long as I have to, even if it means crossing mountains.

Then, up ahead, I hear voices. Horses. I almost don’t recognize my own language at first because it’s been so long since I spoke it. They’re coming towards me quickly, and I know what they are before they even appear.

Soldiers.

“Hey!” a voice shouts. They’ve seen me already. I dart away into the trees, knowing exactly what will happen if they get their hands on me. I saw it once, when a man caught deserting was driven straight through by a sword. At the time I’d thought it was foolish to kill a soldier in the middle of a war, where every body was useful. Now I understand that it was a warning to the rest of us.

“Catch her!” Another voice comes from my left. I push my legs harder, thinking of the master right on my heels, screeching “Bitch!” at the top of his lungs. If I’m caught, I will face a far worse punishment.

More hoofbeats, this time in front of me. I stop and turn on my heel, heading off to my right. But in that direction there are even more voices. “Fan out! Find her!”

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