Page 7 of Sanctuary

Then baths were discussed, but the men all decided they were too tired to contemplate a trip to the shared bathing room at this hour. Fife muttered a spell before anyone could protest, and the males all shuddered, then sighed in relief.

I raised a brow as the exhausted cleric flopped perpendicular onto the bed with a tired exhale. I thought, for just a moment there, that his eyes turned purple before he covered his face with his arm like a fainting maiden. "What was that?" I asked, surprised.

Bach and Adder ignored me, moving off to rifle through the couple of small bags they'd carried with them. Mirri gave me a guilty look and whispered, "Cleaning spell."

Of course. I glared at Fife's prostrate form, where he was still unmoving on the bed. "I thought you were magically exhausted. Why are you throwing more magic around?"

I didn't ask him why I was still grimy. After all, I had spent most of the day damp, while everyone else had enjoyed a nice, dry carriage ride. Even the damned guards were currently benefiting from Fife's magical gifts. But his lying mate? Hell no.

He didn't lift his arm from his eyes as he spoke, his pretty voice slow and languid. "It's my magic. I'll use it as I like."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Not if it gets you killed. If I can deal with being dirty, so can the others."

He huffed. "Oh, I see. You're jealous."

I really wanted to punch him in his pretty face right about now. "I'm not jealous!" I snapped. "I wouldn't want you to use your stupid gifts on me, even if you offered. I just don't want you to hurt yourself, idiot!"

He finally uncovered his face and sat up, bracing his palms beside him on the bed. I felt the eyes of the others glued to us, but I couldn't quite look away from Fife's bitter gaze. "I told you before, your new tool will be just fine."

"Fife," Mirri said tiredly, a note of warning in his voice.

But I waved away his concerns. "No, it's okay. Let the bitter drama queen say what's on his mind if it gets him to stop pouting like a sullen child."

Adder tsked, but didn't speak. Bach puffed up like he was about to jump in to defend his precious little clan of friends. But I was too tired to care. "So?" I said to Fife. "Go ahead. Anything else you'd like to say to me, baby bard? I'm sure your precious wounded pride and offended ego are just boiling right now."

He stared up at me, his fingers curling inward to grip the blankets, and his eyes glowing faintly. A muscle flexed in his cheek as he clenched his teeth. When he finally opened his mouth, his voice was pure acid. "You tricked us all. We have to honor our agreement to serve the people of Larkwood. But I never promised to serve you. I've refused marriage arrangements with other nobles, and dodged their attempts to buy me my entire life. And yet you still managed to trap me. Well, congratulations, duchess. But I refuse to let you benefit from my magic." He leaned forward, his voice a live, sizzling note of electric rage. "So, I will use my skills as I see fit. And you can sit on the outskirts and suffer like the deceiver you are."

His words were like a slap in the face. The others were mad at me, sure. But Fife seemed to actively hate me. And I had no idea what I had done to earn such poisonous disregard.

"You're such an arrogant ass," I snapped, the worlds leaving my mouth before I even thought to speak, my own hurt lashing out without my consent. Clearly, there was more to his rage than met the eye. But at the moment, I didn't care. I was simply sick of bearing the brunt of his—of their—judgement and disdain. "I don't want to use your fucking magic!" I spat. "I don't want anything from you. I would rather die than ever feel your disgusting highborn magic anywhere near my aura!"

"Kat!" Bach barked at me. "Enough."

Adder's eyes flashed, his pupils elongating like a snake's, and his fangs dropped when he spoke. "Watch your words, halfling."

Of course they would rush to defend Fife, but they'd let him snap at me and treat me like dirt whenever he wanted. It spoke to the coiling, jealous thing inside me, reminded me of the rumors about Raven team's relationship to their prettiest member, about the way I strongly suspected that Adder and Fife were lovers. Of course I would always be the outsider. Of course they would choose each other over me. I sneered at them, letting all the pent-up rage and the nasty, swirling mess of emotions inside of me pour out. "It's not enough," I snarled at Bach. "Not by half!" Then I glared at Adder. "And I am done watching my words!"

Turning, I picked up the nearest object–a heavy glass tankard of ale–and flung it at the wall, where it exploded in a satisfying spray of beer and glass.

"You are all so upset that I mislead you," I said, chest heaving, and fists clenched at my side. "You won't stop going on and on about your poor, wounded pride. But you never once let me tell my side of the story," I yelled, my blood boiling. "I never asked to be involved in this stupid fucking tournament! I wasn't given any choice in the matter. I have no say over the changes that the royals are making to my territory, or how they will affect my home. All I could do was try my best to ensure that the men I ended up enduring as co-rulers were at least decent people who would take care of the place. But now I see I've failed at that as well!"

And that…that hurt. I hadn't realized until right that moment just how scared I was. How scared I had been for months now. Everything was changing. And I had no say in any of it. Because as much as I loved my home, as much as I loved the people of Larkwood, they weren't truly mine. They belonged to the rulers of Larkwood, and the king and queen could do as they pleased with the one thing that I cared about most in the world. All I could do was go along for the ride and try not to completely lose myself in the process. Then I was auctioned off. Bonded to strangers. Again, without my full consent. I went along with it only because I knew that in the end, I really had no choice.

I had no choice in anything. And now I was the villain.

"I've tried a million times to tell you," I said, my voice dropping to a bitter whisper, but the rage still churning through me. The helplessness. "I could not tell you the truth during the tournament. Not," I snapped at Bach before he could say anything, "because I was so desperate to stay in the royals' good graces the way you keep implying, you self-righteous ass. But because of the queen's secrecy spell!"

I jabbed a finger in Adder's direction. "He figured it out. Very early on. He knew who I was. And I watched as he was forced to forget. I saw his mind cloud over, and the pain he experienced, and I was terrified that he would suffer some permanent damage. I knew I was to blame because I got too close to him. To all of you." I shook my head in disgust. "Would you respect me more now if I had insisted on telling you the truth and possibly turned your brains to jelly? Is that what you would have preferred? That I didn't care enough about you to protect you and to try to…to keep you?"

The room was silent after my bitter outpouring. Except for my loud breaths that bordered on sobs. All I had wanted was for one thing in my life to be something I chose. Becoming Rose's heir, the stewardship, running the territory to the liking of the royals, the tournament–none of that had been by choice. But I chose Raven team. I fell for them, and I had done everything I could to keep them.

And now they loathed me for it.

"Kat," Mirri began, pity and confusion in his warm gold eyes as he took a step toward me.

But I held up a hand to stop him from getting any closer. "No. I don't want to hear it. Any of you could have let me say what I needed to say at any time over the past few days, but you refused to give me the benefit of the doubt. And I stupidly thought you were good men who just needed a little time to cool off and see reason. But you've had your chance. Cleary, I was mistaken about who I believed you to be."

I stormed over to scoop up my jacket and the pile of extra blankets.

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