Page 30 of Touched By Destiny

“That’s the problem. I shouldn’t want you, but I do. And the thought of you with anyone else tears me apart. You deserve better than someone so fucked up they can’t handle the thought of having a soulmate.”

Unsure how to deal with Gabriel’s confession or how to even name the twisted emotions inside him, Eric stood there silently. He wrapped his arms around himself and wished he knew what to say or do. His heart wanted Gabriel, but he feared being hurt.

There was no quandary in his soul. At the core of himself, Eric yearned for his soulmate. However, his common sense was urging caution, and he refused to indulge in his fantasies of happily ever after. His damn dreams had led him to this fraught conversation and Gabriel’s rejection a month before.

“I’m unworthy of you,” Gabriel said. “But I miss you. I hate not being your friend anymore.”

Eric swallowed thickly. “Is this where you remind me how our decision to have sex ruined everything?”

“It wasn’t the sex. Me. It wasme. I never imagined myself as your soulmate before that night. I’m still not sure what to do about it, but…but I can’t keep pretending it’s going to disappear. Or that it’s not something I want. It’s a gift. You’re a gift. But the idea of being your soulmate terrifies me. How can someone like me ever be the partner you need? Then I picture someone else in my place, and it rips me apart.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Eric whispered with a shrug. Like Gabriel, he was now clinging to the edge and barely holding in his tears. And he was confused. Did Gabriel want to be with him or not?

“Tonight, I thought I’d have to watch you leave the club with someone else. As your personal guard, I’d have to stand outside a room like this while you fucked another man. It would’ve broken me. Maybe it already has, because I can’t keep any of this inside me any longer. Eric, I haven’t been fair to you. I’ve been fighting myself, and you were the one hurt. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Soulmates don’t cheat,” Eric stated quietly. “That’s what I was taught. Supposedly, we keep the ability to use our bodies with another until the binding is complete, but my parents taught me you don’t mistreat the one meant for you. No matter how upset I am about this thing between us, I’m not going to fuck anyone else.”

“You don’t have to explain. I rejected you. You didn’t owe me any loyalty, and this isn’t about possession or keeping you from doing what you want. I’m doing a terrible job of explaining myself. I’m not eloquent, and I’ve never been in any kind of relationship that wasn’t based on sex or complete dishonesty.”

His hands fell to his sides, and Eric shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he tried to gather whatever wits he had left.

“I don’t need fancy words. Just…tell me what you’re thinking,” Eric replied, hoping he wasn’t setting himself up for another dismissal of their soulbinding.

“Oh, fuck,” Gabriel breathed out. “I guess…I guess I’m asking you if we can try.”

“Try what?” Eric asked, needing to know exactly what Gabriel was offering before his fantasies of a life together once again spiraled out of control.

“Me and you. Together. Just us trying to discover if we’re compatible. Mending our friendship. Having sex in an actual bed outside of a casino so I can have hours to kiss you and that incredibly sexy body you’re showing off so gorgeously tonight.I want to know what you’re thinking and what turns you on. Friends and lovers.”

Eric’s heart and soul cried out a resoundingyes, but his mind continued to urge him to use caution and tread carefully. He needed to understand every parameter of Gabriel’s proposition.

“But we’d keep it a secret from everyone else?”

“It’s probably wrong of me to ask, but I’m overwhelmed. I want to concentrate on whether we can build something worthwhile before we involve the world. Our lives are already so intertwined. Work. Family. I need to know if I can be the man you want in your life. That I can be the kind of man who adds to your happiness and doesn’t keep you from achieving your every dream. It’s okay to say no. I understand if you want to say no. I prefer your honesty, so don’t hold back if this isn’t something you want.”

Clearing his throat, Eric frowned. The offer was beyond tempting, and Eric was no fool. He wanted Gabriel, and he refused to miss out on an opportunity to discover if their souls could fully bind together. And he was fine with focusing on their relationship. The last thing either of them needed was distractions, and there were bound to be expectations.

His parents had married within weeks of meeting. From the time they were small, Eric, Richard, and Maribeth had been assured that their soulmates were out in the world somewhere. They had been encouraged to be open and accept opportunities to find that person.

Maribeth was the only one who’d taken it to heart. With his need to control everything and his refusal to make himself vulnerable, Richard would dance the night away with beautiful men but balked at spending time with them alone. As for Eric, his heart had been set on Gabriel for more than a dozen years. And he was lucky enough to have him as a soulmate. But wouldreality hold up to the fantasies he’d spun for all those years? It was time to find out.

Releasing a shaky breath, Eric tried to settle his fraught emotions. Elation and fear fought for supremacy, but he remained focused on the mundane. “Richard and Mari already know.”

“And there’s no question about their integrity or their loyalty to you. I don’t care if you keep confiding in them. You shouldn’t be deprived of a support system. This is awful, isn’t it? I shouldn’t expect you to keep secrets from Clark and Rosalind. You can say no to us, I’ll understand.”

“Gabriel, do youwantme to say no?”

Gabriel was shaking his head even before he spoke. “No. I want you in my life. Not like it is now. All this animosity and distance I put there. If we can’t be soulmates, I hope we can somehow be friends again. I’ll honor whatever choice you make.”

Taking a step closer to Gabriel, Eric smiled tremulously. “I’d like to find out what’s between us too. And I’m fine with keeping it a secret from everyone but Richard and Mari. I’m pretty sure Richard would’ve found out we were soulmates even if I hadn’t told him.”

“He may be missing his calling; he should be a spy, detective, or in security. And there’s no one he’s more protective of than you.”

“What do we do now?” Eric whispered as an almost-comfortable silence settled over them.

Gabriel held out his arms. “Come here.”

Eric stepped forward, expecting a hug. Gabriel’s palms settled on Eric’s hips, and he rested his head on Eric’s tummy.

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