Page 13 of Agony

“Well yeah. He works here too you know,” she said.

“Actually, now that we’re on that subject, I never asked you what it is exactly that you do at Devil’s Den,” I said to Arsen, pulling away from his arm.

“You’re kidding me. She doesn’t know?” Trista scoffed.

Arsen shot her a dirty look.

“Arsen?” I prompted.

Something told me that I wasn’t going to like his answer. Something deep inside of me was begging me to stop asking. But I needed to know.

“He’s one of the biggest stars here! He’s won awards for his work,” Trista said.

“Awards for what?” I asked, my body beginning to tremble.

“Can we talk about this later? Please?” Arsen asked.

“Awards forwhat?” I asked again.

“For his movie roles,” Trista said quietly.

“You... you’re a... Oh my God. How could I have not figured that out?”

I dropped my soda cup and it exploded on the lots gravel. I turned around and started to walk away from Arsen, who swore at Trista. I could hear him running to catch up to me, but I refused to stop. I was so angry and so hurt that I walked faster than I ever had before.

I couldn’t believe that I was actually starting to possiblylikea porn star. I had never likedanyonethat quickly before. What the hell was wrong with me?

“Neve! Neve wait!” Arsen yelled as I pushed open the security gate.

But I didn’t want to wait. I didn’t want to stand there and listen to his reasons or his excuses or anything he had to stay.

I want to go home. I need to go back to New York where nobody hides what they are. I want to see my friends and family. I’m sick and tired of being surrounded by people who fuck for a living.

The angrier I became, the faster I walked. I could hear Arsen faintly behind me still calling my name, so I turned left on the first block that I could and ran faster.

I didn’t know where I was and I didn’t know where I was going, but I just needed to get away.

My phone rang as I ran down another block. I wouldn’t have answered it, but I knew it was Addie just by the ringtone.

I answered and sat down on the city street. I leaned against a dirty wall until I was able to calm myself enough to speak.

“Neve, Arsen sent me a text message. He said you ran off of the lot and he’s worried about you,” she said.

A text message? How does even have her phone number?

“Addie, he’s a porn actor. He fucks people for a living and he never told me!” I shouted into the phone.

“But I don’t understand why that bothers you. You guys aren’t dating. Unless ... Neve, can I ask you a question without you getting mad at me?”

“I don’t know if I like him,” I said cutting her off, “I was going to try to figure that out. I’ve only known him for a day but he makes me laugh and when he’s around I feel this weird happy vibe. But I can’t be serious about someone like him. What the hell does it matter anyway?” I shouted in frustration.

“I’m coming out there. I’ll see what I can find flying out today and I’ll catch a red eye if I have to. Just go home and wait for me,” she said.

I started to cry. Addie was the one person I could always count on. She told me that no matter how far away we were from each other she always made a phone call or a plane ride away.

“Go home, Neve. Okay? I’ll be there as soon as I can, I promise,” she said before she hung up.

I put my phone back in my pocket and took a few shuddery breaths. I plucked myself off of the sidewalk and looked around. I had no idea where I was.

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