Page 64 of The Powerless Witch

“A date? Really?” I chuckled, almost losing my bravado when he didn’t laugh back. “You do know that humans go on dates when they are courting each other, right? Or, sometimes, when they want to get into each other’s pants, which you have already done.”

“I am aware,” he replied, taking a small sip from his cup. He stared at the rich red liquid for a moment, then set the glass away, locking his full attention on me. “Would it bother you if I wanted to court you? From what I have seen, you are not in an exclusive relationship with either Roman or Isaac. Or did I misunderstand and the three of you are not allowing more into your cahoot?”

“We are all allowed to fuck whoever we want,” I murmured, taking another big sip of my wine. It was delicious—strong and a bit on the sweeter side, but I supposed in comparison with the Fae drinks Malakai was used to, it wasn’t up to par.

“I’m not talking aboutfucking,” Malakai said, and the heavy tone—along with the fact that the word fuck sounded strange coming from his mouth—made me look up. “I’m not talking about the marks you bear either,” he added, as if reading my mind. “I’m referring to your feelings.”

I opened my mouth to tell him that there was nothing of the sort, but the usual words refused to come. That well-rehearsed answer and the conviction I had hammered into it, it was all gone. It had cracked the night I promised Roman to never leave him again, and it had crumbled the night Isaac sealed the mate bond between us, telling me with an unfaltering conviction that I would love him.

I sighed, putting the glass down and looking up at the almost full moon. I could feel Malakai’s gaze on me, but he didn’t push, didn’t rush me as I tried to sort through my emotions.

“Have you ever loved someone, Malakai? Truly, deeply loved them, enough to want to turn your back to family, even the world?” I asked, bringing my knees to my chest and resting my chin on it. I forced myself to look at him only to find his expression had softened, those deep purple eyes turning molten.

“I have not,” he replied quietly, holding my gaze. That look was almost like a physical touch—caressing me, nudging me, pushing me to keep going. My first instinct was to resist, but the familiar warmth in my chest made me speak again.

“It’s the most amazing feeling in the world. You feel like you are walking on air, like the world is singing and nothing could go wrong. And when you are with them, you are safe, you are happy, you are content. You don’t need anything but them.”Malakai adjusted his hands behind him, as if preparing himself to listen to me talk all night. “But when they are gone…all that goes away with them. And the world turns into a scary place.”

I licked my lips, trying to keep my voice steady even as the lump in my throat grew. It had been centuries since I’d talked about this. It was much easier to accept the past and the choices I had made than to think about it.

“When Noah and Medina betrayed me…I promised myself never to love again. Not because I didn’t want to, not because I was unable to, but because I knew how I loved. I sold my soul, and I killed hundreds of people because of my broken heart. Because I couldn’t deal with the hurt and the betrayal. And that was when I was weak and scared and inexperienced. If I ever feel that way again, I’m unsure what I might do.”

My eyes burned, so I looked away from him, trying to breathe through the heaviness in my chest. This was stupid, I knew it was stupid. Humans fell in and out of love all the time, but I didn’t know how to do that. I didn’t know how to give only a piece of myself and keep living if it was broken. It was all or nothing for me.

“But isn’t it lonely?” Malakai asked in a quiet, almost child-like voice. Before I knew it, I was throwing my head back and laughing.

“Yes, it’s fucking lonely,” I said when the amusement melted away. “But it’s easier.”

“It doesn’t look easier from where I stand.” Malakai shifted and I looked up just as he moved to sit in front of me, his knees brushing against mine. “The way I see it, you are the only one that is holding back. The only one assuming things would go awry. The only one suffering from her own imposed limitations.” His finger slid under my chin, pushing my head up until we were staring into each other’s eyes. I was painfully aware he could see the tears I was fighting back, but the gentle look on his face washed my worry away. “Allow yourself to feel, my lovely rose. Love, hate, anger, joy. All of it. It will not consume you like before, and even if it does, we’ll be there to bring you back. You do not have to be alone. You do not have to kill your heart.” He leaned closer, brushing his lips against mine. The ache in my stomach surged, but I pushed it down, ignoring the pain as the words sunk in and his hands became the only thing keeping me together. “You deserve to be loved, Celeste. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be whole.”

A sob escaped my lips before Malakai kissed me like he was planning to drink away all of my sorrows. His grip was tighter than usual, lips almost painfully insistent, but the intensity helped me ground myself. I wrapped my arms around his neck even as the tears continued to slide down my cheeks and mix in our mouths.

He guided me to straddle his legs without breaking the kiss, his hands working on the ties on my back until the top of the dress pooled around my waist, exposing my flesh to the soft wind that rushed between the trees. My nipples pebbled instantly, and I shuddered, but then Malakai’s mouth was everywhere, licking and sucking until there was a blazing fire underneath my skin.

“Fuck me,” I whimpered, rubbing myself against his already hard cock. Malakai only let out a low, humming sound, sucking my breast harder until I cried out. I tugged on his robes, intent to help myself, when he pinned me between his body and the ground.

I wasn’t used to him being so rough—he usually let me lead, asked me what I wanted, focused on my pleasure—so seeing him hover over me, chest heaving and cock pulsating impatiently against my belly, for once I had no idea where this was going.

“Say it,” Malakai whispered against my mouth, pulling back when I tried to kiss him. His fingers intertwined with mine while he kept my hands above my head.

“Fuck me,” I whispered, rolling my hips in search of more contact with his body. His cock rubbed against me, making me moan, but he didn’t move. “I need—”

“Not that.” Malakai shook his head, and his hair slipped down, tickling my face. “Say you deserve to be happy. To be loved. To be whole. Say it, Celeste.”

My mouth went dry and I let my body fall against the blanket.

It was just words. Just a simple statement. It wasn’t that hard, and it wasn’t untrue.

His purple gaze burned me, waiting and unblinking as I opened my mouth once, twice, and nothing came out. He waited, still as a statue, even though I could hear his heart thundering almost as loud as mine.

“I deserve…to be loved,” I choked out, my throat closing as if his hand had moved to grip it. His expression softened, but still, he didn’t move. I licked my lips and forced myself to speak again, surprised the words got out without a hitch this time. “I deserve to be happy.”

“Yes,” Malakai smiled lightly, kissing the edge of my mouth. His body rubbed against mine, his cock providing delicious friction against my clit, but still, I didn’t move, too focused on getting the final sentence out.

“I deserve to be whole,” I said quietly as his mouth traveled to my neck, kissing and licking with gentle, urging strokes. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and finally allowed my body to move, pressing closer to his. Another hum escaped his lips and I could swear, the shiver that ran down my spine was just as much from that sound as from the tip of his cock pressing against my entrance. I arched my back while he slowly pushed inside, inch by a glorious inch, spreading me until I was trembling in his arms.

“Again,” he whispered in my ear, thrusting into me without warning. I cried out in surprise, panting through the intensity, but his hips were moving again. His eyes locked on mine and I held my breath as he whispered, “Again.”

“I deserve to be loved,” I repeated, holding his gaze while each syllable came out loud and clear. “I deserve to be happy.” He straightened further back, snaking a hand around my waist and lifting me for a better angle. His next thrust had me screaming and digging my nails into the blanket while he continued to increase the pace, pushing me closer and closer to the edge.

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