Page 28 of Sweet Southern Memories

No one could ever know just what Zoey is feeling, the worries she faces or the heartache from her past. She lived it, she is still living it. A big part of me wants to find out where this asshole ex of hers is so I can make him pay for the sadness he’s brought upon Zoey and her daughters.

“I know you’re not him.” She breaks down, tears rolling over her cheeks and when I try to reach out for her, she lifts her hand holding it out to keep her distance.

eighteen

. . .

Zoey

Coming here, facing my wrongs, it’s harder than I thought it would be. I’ve been closed off for so long, refusing to fully feel the effects the last several years have had on me. I guess I was always afraid to break because I wasn’t so sure I would be able to pull myself out of it.

Yet, here I am, standing a few feet away from Jay and I can’t control myself.

He must think I’m crazy. I feel crazy.

“I spent months telling myself what we had was nothing more than young love and I would get over it. It took a long time for me to look at another guy and feel like I wasn’t somehow cheating on you. I’d lay awake at night wondering who you were with, what you were doing? I drove myself mad with all the possibilities.” I take a deep breath to calm my nerves.

“I realized I was wrong,” I shrug. “I knew what I felt for you wasn’t something that I could replace. Because I tried,” hisbrows furrow. “I convinced myself I felt something for Carson. I told myself to stop comparing him to you. I forced myself to overlook his flaws and had myself believing it was me who created the issues we had.”

Jay rounds his desk and I can tell he wants to touch me, but instead he leans against the edge of his desk and crosses his arms over his chest.

“He’d mess up and I’d pretend I didn’t see it. He’d drink and I’d shake it off. But the truth is I never should have married him because I never really loved him. I created this fairytale in my mind and actually had myself believing it would work for a while. But when I got pregnant and he told me he didn’t want kids I knew. There was no future with a man who didn’t love his kids.”

“I’m sorry I overstepped,” Jay interrupts.

“That’s the thing you didn’t,” I wipe at my tears. “You did more for them in a few hours than their own father has their entire life. His one condition in order to make our divorce final was to sign over his rights to them. He literally wanted legal paperwork to show he’d never be held responsible for anything involving them. And right then as I looked across the table at him I felt nothing. Okay so I lie, I felt like strangling him but that’s an entirely different conversation.”

Jay smiles and I feel a little less edgy.

“I’m sorry I took my insecurities out on you. Because in my heart I know without a doubt you and him, are two completely different people. I also know you do not have it in you to hurt my girls, you aren’t built that way.”

Another round of tears fall and this time he pushes off his desk and reaches for me. I don’t stop him, instead I lean in and rest my head on his shoulder.

The feeling of him holding me, his hand on my back the other the back of my head, for the first time in so long I felt like I could let my guard down.

“They haven’t stopped talking about the Cinderella carriage ride.” I smile when his hand flexes at my waist. “Or the prince who rode in it with them.”

I feel his chest vibrate beneath my cheek and I smile.

“I’m just afraid of them getting attached to you and then getting their little hearts broken.”

He takes a deep breath, as he releases it, it tickles my forehead. “And you think I’ll break their hearts?”

“Not intentionally,” leaning back I look up to find him watching. He has yet to release his hold on me and if I’m being honest, I’m thankful. “Life happens, things happen.”

“Things,” he still did the jaw flexing thing when he’s trying to hold himself together. “What kind of things?”

I shrug trying to look away and he lifts his hands and places his thumb under my chin turning me back so he can see my face. “No shrugging or pretending you don’t have thesethingsrunning through your mind. Tell me,” He holds my stare and again I am reminded of how demanding he can be. I used to find it charming, now…okay it’s still charming.

“You could decide Magnolia Grove isn’t big enough, that it doesn’t offer what you want. You could wake up next week andmake the choice to return to Mobile. Then I’ll have two girls who are here, wondering where their prince went.”

“And you?” I know what he’s asking. But I’m not sure I’m ready to admit him being back here has reminded me of exactly what it felt like to have something to be excited about.

Closing my eyes, I try not to say what’s running through my mind. A girl has to have the upper hand.

“I’m not leaving, Zoey,” he says this so low it’s more of a whisper as his breath fans out overly lips. Chills cover my arms, shoulders, and spread across my back. “I’m home.”

I take a deep breath, feeling my chest burn with emotion.

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