Page 154 of Surrender

“Need? Maybe not. Want…?”

“Silvan, don’t you dare,” I say on a squeal as he tickles me, then drops down and pries my clenched thighs apart.

My playful objections fall on deaf ears, and moments later, I’m too swept up to care.

___

Wednesday comes and goes without a single change in his behavior, then Thursday does, too.

By Friday, I’m convinced he doesn’t actually listen to whatever the spy pens pick up, or maybe they’re not even spy pens to begin with. I suppose it’s possible my mind was playing tricks on me, that I was imagining a microphone when really it was just a part of the pen.

Whatever the case, my anxiety about the fake phone call eases, and I allow myself to just enjoy my new favorite pens instead of being suspicious of them. I did want to order more of those pens for myself anyway. Maybe it was just Silvan noticing I liked those pens and providing more of them for me in true Silvan style.

I don’t have class on Friday, but Silvan has to head to campus for a meeting of some club he’s in. Once he’s dressed andready to leave, he climbs back into bed with me and locks his arm around my waist, pulling me back against him.

I’m still sleeping but don’t object to a quick cuddle before he goes.

“After the meeting, I have some loose ends to tie up before we leave for the weekend,” he tells me.

“Mm. Okay.”

His free hand slides down to grab my ass. “Sleep all you want, but pack a bag for the weekend when you wake up. Bring your schoolbooks if you have homework to do while we’re there.”

“When will you be back?”

His hand slides around, and he presses his warm palm against my smooth stomach. “I’m gonna drive up ahead of you to set some stuff up. I’ll send a car for you.”

If I were more awake, I might have questions. I thought we were going to drive up together, and it’s a long enough ride that I’m surprised he’d send me with Hugh instead.

But he kept me up half the night, so I’m sleepy, and the room is so dark, the bed so comfy…

My eyes get heavy. I fade out for a second but wake up to feel Silvan’s lips pressed to the corner of my mouth. “I’ll see you tonight, pretty girl.”

“Mm. See you tonight,” I murmur, dragging my pillow closer and cuddling with it since he won’t be in bed with me anymore.

“I love you, Sophie.”

If I were more awake, I might find that odd, too.

Silvan loves me, but he doesn’t say it all that much. He doesn’t say the words out of habit, repeating them so manytimes they lose their meaning. He only says it when he feels the genuine need to tell me he loves me.

___

Silvan has bought me lots of pretty clothes since he barged into my life and took it over, but for the car ride up to New Hampshire, I want to wear something cute-verging-on-sexy but alsocomfy, and I can’t find what I’m looking for in any of the new stuff.

I have most of the clothes I didn’t pack strewn across the bed, but I end up digging out an outfit from high school—the before times.

I had this cute miniskirt the color of red wine with a dark textured overlay that I used to wear all the time. It was my favorite skirt, but since itwasmy favorite skirt, I’d worn it out with Dylan a couple of times and caught him looking at my exposed legs a little too long. Before that night, I didn’t care that much. I was used to the male gaze landing on me. It didn’t bother me.

After that night, it did.

I benched the skirt for the rest of high school, but I brought it with me to college since I had these big dreams about college being different, aboutmebeing different and getting comfortable in my own skin again. Surely, I could at least reclaim a favorite article of my own clothing.

Silly Sophie.

Still, it’s a really pretty skirt and I always felt beautiful in it, so I guess it’s a good choice for a romantic weekend away with my boyfriend.

My tummy flutters.

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