Page 40 of The Best Man

He smiles back, but faintly with his gaze not quite meeting hers. I can tell he’s realizing she isn’t coming off great right now as we all listen to her hateful retelling.

“When I brought the check—forhimto pay, of course—I tucked a note inside that said ‘When you’re tired of playing with your Barbie and you have an appetite for a real woman, give me a call.’” She shakes her head, taking a plate as it’s passed to her. “It was aggressive, but I didn’t even feel bad. It felt like my duty to save him, you know?”

She seems to be expecting people to be impressed by her story, but no one is.

I press my lips together.

If she’d been my friend first, I would have advised her to never, ever tell that story to this extremely close-knit and traditional family. I could have helped her mold it a little better so the truth sounded less… gleefully mean-spirited.

Since we’re not friends, I make no attempt to intervene. I reach for a dinner roll and the butter dish, and wait for little miss Lauren to finish digging her own grave.

“What about you guys?” she asks, glancing across at Julia and Jared. “How’d you meet?”

Julia doesn’t like her. I can tell by the way she glances at Jared to take the question. She’s friendly and outgoing, so typically she’s ready to talk to anybody.

“Oh,” he murmurs, clearing his throat. “We met in college.”

“I was in a sorority,” Julia puts in with acidic sweetness as she smiles across the table.

Realizing she insulted someone she hadn’tintendedto insult, Lauren at least has the grace to flush. “Oh. Well, I mean, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. Some sororities do alot of good, right? It’s just some of them are shallow bullshit that celebrate parading around pretty girls with empty heads.”

Julia smiles, and Jared says flatly, “There was an auction to raise funds for breast cancer research. I bought the pretty redhead in the tight pink dress.”

Lauren’s eyes widen with horror. “Did you just say youboughther?”

“A date with me,” Julia says, looking over at her husband fondly as she remembers how they first got together. “A night with me,” she says more warmly as she leans over to kiss him.

Lauren is practically sputtering. “That is… so fucked up.” She looks at Joey, baffled, as if she can’t believe he isn’t saying anything.

“It was pretty hot, actually,” Jared murmurs.

Julia grins at him, then over at Lauren, delighting in her discomfort. “And hey, I fetched a good price.”

Lauren is turning red now. Staring at Joey, she demands, “Are they joking? Is this a fucking joke?”

“Excuse you,” Penny barks, glaring at Lauren before looking pointedly at her granddaughter sitting at that end of the table next to her father. “There is a child present. You will watch your language.”

Jared, realizing things are only going to get worse from here and not better, pushes back his chair to stand. “I believe Layla said she needs to use the restroom. I’ll take her.”

He lifts the cute little girl out of her seat, still munching on half of a dinner roll. “No, I didn’t, Daddy.”

“Shh,” he says, kissing her cheek and putting her on his hip, then hauling her out of the dining room.

“I’m the problem?” Lauren demands, wild-eyed as she stares at Joey, then looks at the rest of us like traitors. “They just casually discussed your brotherbuyinghis wife like that’s not fucking crazy—”

Attempting to get things in hand, Joey says, “He didn’t literally buy her, Lauren. For fuck’s sake, it was a charity auction. It was a fun thing the sorority did to raise money for a—”

“A fun thing?” she demands, her outrage growing instead of dissipating. “It’sfunto mock selling women like that’s not a real fucking problem in the world?”

“They were not mocking anyone, they were just having fun. No one was hurting anyone. Everyone participating consented, all right? Can we please just—?”

“No! You’re not going to makemesound like the crazy one. Are you kidding me? I knew your eldest brother was fucked up, but you didn’t tell meall of themwere. What kind of backward-ass Stepford fucking bullshit is going on here?”

James clears his throat, then looks down the table at Joey. “Maybe you should leave,” he advises.

Joey tosses him a helpless look, as if to sayI didn’t know she was going to do this.

And to be fair, how could he? What rational, respectful human would ever come into someone’s home and behave this way?

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