Page 57 of After the Snap

He turns back to me, his heart on his sleeve. “That kiss you saw. It was our first. It wasn’t long after she begged me. I learned later she’d been doing the same thing with Kim, who also felt tremendous guilt for starting to fall for her patient’s husband. We both had a lot to work through after your mom died, but we couldn’t deny that your mom knew what she was doing. We’re a good match, and she held me together as I grieved the loss of your mom, as we both grieved. She loved your mom, too. We talk about her often.

“I know what you think happened—that I was unfaithful to your mom—but I was only doing what she begged me to do. I never meant for you to see that moment, or for you to know what she was orchestrating. She knew I wouldn’t survive without her. I don’t doubt for a second that if I hadn’t had Kim, I would’ve wasted away to nothing. I wouldn’t have been able to be there for you—not that you needed or wanted me there after what you witnessed. I can’t blame you for hating me. It was a complicated and confusing situation for me as well, but I couldn’t die without you knowing the truth. I couldn’t let you think that my marriage to your mom was anything less than perfect. Because it was.” He clears his throat, his brows furrowing with concern. “I’m worried my actions—our actions—have ruined your chance at a healthy and fulfilling relationship.” He leans forward again. “That’s not what I want for you, son. I want you to find a woman who lights you up the way your mom did for me. I want you to find a woman who knows everything—every good thing you’ve ever done and every dark skeleton in your closet—and still loves you with every beat of her heart. A woman who knows you better than you sometimes know yourself.”

Laney.

I’ve already found that in a woman, one who’s been right in front of my damn face for years.

I lean forward, mirroring his pose, meeting his gaze head-on. “I wish you would’ve told me sooner, but I’ve been forced to reflect on my choices lately and can acknowledge I probably wouldn’t have heard you out.”

“You weren’t ready,” Dad says with an understanding I’m not sure I deserve.

This whole conversation has gone in a direction I could’ve never anticipated. I feel his words sink into my bones, my psyche, piercing through all the walls I’ve built since that day when I witnessed him kiss Kim. All that’s left behind as I feel them crumble inside me is a fierce desire to make Laney mine in every way possible. It hits me like a two-ton truck, and an idea—one planted by Emma weeks ago—forms in my mind that might be completely crazy, but sounds better the more I let it take root.

Why waste any more time? I know what I want. I know what Laney’s always wanted.

So what if we stopped wasting time? What if she were mine, and I was hers, in every possible way a couple can belong to each other?

I continue my visit with my dad, and we spend the next few hours working to heal years of hurt and making amends. I end up having dinner with him and Kim before I leave and head to the only other place I’ve avoided for years.

My mom’s gravestone is clean, and a fresh bouquet of flowers sits in a holder next to it. The green grass is freshly cut and there’s not another soul around.

I squat down and press my hand to her name. “Hey, Mom,” I whisper, emotion hitting me out of nowhere.

“I miss you. I wish you were here so you could see how far I’ve come. I wish you could see Laney and me together now and how happy we are.”

A smile forms on my face. My mom loved Laney. She always said she was the daughter she never had and always wanted. Peace settles over me as I tell her my secret.

“I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

Thirty-Three

It is a truth universally acknowledged that when you get a large group of women together, there’s either a lot of laughs, a lot of tears, or both.

Tonight it’s tears of laughter as I join the LA Wolves WAGs for our first annual girls’ trip to Joshua Tree—because after the first night, Paige insisted this become a yearly tradition. Since none of us are outdoorsy, Paige found us an incredible Airbnb with spectacular views of the desert and plenty of room for all of us.

Nikki brought a karaoke machine with her, which is what’s got us all rolling in our seats with tears of laughter at the absolute chaos of us attempting to carry a tune. None of us, except for Emma who’s a professional singer, can sing to save our lives, but it’s comedic gold watching everyone try.

After my god-awful attempt to sing a popular Taylor Swift song in homage to the Fierce Four—who all think no one but Danae and I know about their love of Swift, when in fact everyone knows—I stumble back to the dining room table, more than a little tipsy, and take a long drink of a water.

“Ohmigod, Gina! That dress is gorgeous,” Emma exclaims, staring down at Gina’s phone.

“Lemme see,” I murmur as I move to lean over Emma’s shoulder.

It’s a picture of Gina standing in front of three long mirrors wearing the most gorgeous wedding dress I’ve ever seen. She’s got the biggest smile on her face and tears in her eyes as she smiles at whoever is holding the camera. Envy hits me first before I push it down and focus on being happy for my friend.

“Gina, you look beautiful,” I say.

She beams up at me. “Thanks. I’m so excited to marry him.”

“It’s about time,” Paige says, bumping her shoulder against Gina’s. They’ve been best friends for years, so it’s extra cute that they’re both with guys on the same team.

“Why has it taken you guys so long to plan the wedding?” Nikki asks, munching on a chip dipped heavily in salsa. Her biggest craving through her pregnancy has been Mexican food. Danae told me Gabe’s mom even made her an extra batch of tamales, and she burst into happy tears when they delivered them to her.

“My family,” Gina says, rolling her eyes. “They have a lot of opinions about how our wedding should be, and we briefly considered eloping, but honestly, I want the whole big wedding with the giant princess dress. And Will wants it too. So it’s just taken a little longer to make sure we’re planning the wedding we want and not the wedding other people want for us.”

Paige looks at Nikki across the table. “When are you and Matt finally tying the knot?”

“After the baby,” she says. “I didn’t want to be pregnant in photos. We’ll probably get married on the beach sometime next summer.”

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