Page 41 of Only a Kiss

I was staring at the drink in front of me when I heard the front door slam.If it was a robber, they picked a good night.I didn’t have the energy to move, let alone defend my house.Maybe they’d put me out of my fucking misery.

I tossed back the finger of whiskey and then grabbed the bottle to pour another when my office door swung open.Jenna stood there with her hands on her hips, scoping out the scene before her.I didn’t think I’d ever looked this bad in front of her before.I always made sure to keep my shit together—although I was never nursing a broken heart either, so it wasn’t hard to maintain a certain sense of decorum.

“No offense, Dad, but you look like shit.”

I huffed out a laugh and then took another drink.I couldn’t even look at her.The guilt was bad enough as it was, but if I actually had to look at her, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to face myself in the mirror again.

“What’s wrong with you?”Her voice was soft and her tone concerned, which didn’t jibe with how accusatory her words were.It took my muddled—read drunk—brain a minute to register that she was asking out of concern, not scorn or anger.

So I took a chance and glanced up at her.Her soft brown hair that was the same shade as her mom’s hung loosely to her shoulders, and her eyes were filled with so much sadness it gutted me.I did that.I put that look on her face.Twenty-two years with a great record as a dad and I went and tore it all to hell.

For a woman.

For the perfect woman.The woman of my goddamn dreams, who was so off-limits it wasn’t even fucking funny.

I threw back the rest of my drink, wondering how long it’d take to kill all the brain cells that remembered the feel of Sadie.Remembered how light I felt when she was around.Remembered her laugh and the way she’d hold my hand, her fingers soft and without calluses, so unlike mine.

I wasn’t sure there was enough alcohol in the world to burn away all those memories.

“Dad?”

“Hmm?”I glanced up at her and realized she was saying something that I’d clearly missed.

She squinted at the bottle of whiskey on my desk.“How drunk are you?”

“Not drunk enough,” I mumbled, grabbing the neck of the bottle to pour another glass, but she yanked it out of my hand and put it on the shelf behind her where I couldn’t reach it.

“Not tonight, Jenna,” I said, my voice worn and weary.“Can we do this tomorrow?You can yell and scream at me and call me a pervert then.It’s nothing I haven’t said to myself a million times anyway.I just…I just can’t tonight.Okay?”

“Answer one question for me and I’ll go.”

Sagging back in my chair, I let out a heavy sigh.“Fine.What?”

“Do you love her?”

I clenched my jaw and glanced at the bottle of whiskey that I needed in order to drown out the rush of emotion that overcame me with her question.Any question but that one.

“I can’t answer that question,” I gritted out.

“Why not?”

I shook my head.

“Why not, Dad?”

“Because I never even told her!”I shouted as I stood from my seat, my temper short and my heart a goddamn mess.

Jenna’s eyes filled with tears, and I felt like the worst scum of the earth.What was happening to me?

I fell back to my seat and put my head in my hands.“Please just go, Jenna.We’ll talk tomorrow, but I can’t do this tonight.”

“You’re an idiot, you know that?”

I glanced up at her, and she had her arms crossed and looked royally pissed off.I knew that look.It was the one she always wore whenever she was about to dig her heels in.Her stubborn streak could be a mile long—something she inherited from me.

“I’m taking your whiskey.Sober the fuck up, Dad.We’ll talk in the morning.”She spun on her heels and then walked toward the door, but before she exited she turned back to me.“I’m staying here tonight, and in the morning we’re talking about Sadie.She deserves better than this, Dad.”

I blinked twice, sure I’d heard her wrong, and she turned to leave.“Wait,” I said, standing up but having to brace myself against the desk when I started to wobble.“What do you mean by that?”The words came out slower than usual and a little slurred, but still clear enough to be understood.

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