Page 97 of In Her Own Rite

When Seb finally came into view, covered in blood, dragging his leg behind him—muscle hanging off like tattered fabric, bone almost completely exposed—it felt like my whole world flipped upside down. Everything I’d believed about us: that we were young and invincible; everything I’d believed about myself as a good and loyal friend, a protector—it all broke in that moment. Why had we been so fuckingstupid? Why hadn’t I come back to help him train? Why did I let my own issues with Em get in the way of me being there to support him, keeping ourfikasafe?

“You know what I thought?” I ask. “My first thought was:this is my fault.”

“It wasn’t,” Gabe says. “You know that, right?”

“Does it matter, if I’ve spent the last three years living like it’s true?”

I hear him sigh. “So this stuff with Em. It’s about Seb, in the end? His rite?”

I shake my head. “Yeah. And no. It’s about me. I don’t think I got that until today.”

A silence falls between us as I think it over.

“So now that they caught the last guy, do you think we can come back?” he finally asks.

“I think so. You tell me when, and I’ll come and pick you up at the harbor.”

We talk logistics, and after we hang up, I lie back onto the bed. It’s not fixed yet, but I’m going to fix it. I’m going to make it up to her.

I reach for the book of poems by the bed and flip to the page for today’s reading, and as I read the poem through, it feels like a sign. I read it again, and again, thinking of Em. And finally, I realize what’s been missing from the arch.

35

KIERAN

Three days later, I take one of the vans for Saroan Salts and drive to the north shore to pick everyone up. Saga’s Jeep wasn’t big enough for a group this size, but I hate driving the van. To be honest, I barely passed my license exam, and we drive so rarely on the islands that I’m still not used to it.

I get to the north shore a half hour early and wait. After a few minutes, I can start to see the ferry roll in, and my inner wolf perks up in anticipation, dying to see her. When the boat docks, only a few people step out, and as soon as the gang is visible, my eyes go straight to Em.

Agaayu, she looks incredible. She’s five and a half weeks into her training, and with her shifter nature, her body has picked up muscle faster than I knew was possible. She’s still truly, undeniably Em—small and slender, with her same delicate facial features—but I can see the new strength on her. She’s wearing jeans today, and I notice that she’s filling them out differently, the new muscle accentuating the slight curves she had before. Most noticeably, though, she carries herself differently. Her chin is a little higher, her shoulders back. I can see the confidence in her posture.

I walk towards them as they step onto the dock. Gabe says something to greet me, but I barely hear him. I come to stand before her.

“Heij,” I say.

“Heij.” Her face is beautiful, glowing, and I note with surprise that the rings of her irises are different now. The thin gold line was always there, but now it glows, radiant. And I realize that’s what’s changed the most. She glows, as though not just the ring around her eyes but the whole of her is gold.

“You look… Yeah, I don’t know,” I say. “You look great.”

“Thanks.” She smiles, but I can see some kind of sadness in her eyes.

“We should get to the car,” Maren says. “Come on guys, let’s give them a minute.”

The rest of the group walks to the van, and Em and I stay standing there, staring silently at each other.

“Listen, Kier—” she says.

“I’m sorry.” My voice comes out broken, husky. Not for the first time, I hate how weak I sound when I’m around her.

She shakes her head, looking down at the ground. “I don’t know. I get it, I guess. Seb told me the rite really messes with your head. I know you thought—”

“Don’t let me off easy,” I say, stopping her. “It’s not just about that. Yeah, the rite messed with my head. But if it hadn’t happened, I still don’t know if I would have supported you how you wanted. And for that, I’msosorry. That was because of me and my shit—notbecause of you.”

I step closer to her, feeling my pulse in my throat.

“I have some stuff I need to work out,” I say. “But I need you to know that me not supporting you wasneverbecause of something wrong with you. It was because of something wrong with me.”

“Yeah?” She looks up at me, a smile tugging at one side of her mouth. “I’m kicking ass, you know.”

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