Page 49 of In Her Own Rite

“Uh, Maren, I have to go. I’ll tell you the rest later.” And I tap to end the recording.

Through the trees, I can swear I see her. Blue floral dress, golden hair.

I freeze. It’s been years since this has happened. Kieran would want me to stay here. He would tell me not to go chasing visions through the woods. But Kieran still has both his parents. He doesn’t know what it’s like.

My feet make the decision for me. I start walking towards the trees.

“Mom?” I say quietly, almost under my breath. If it’s real—if this is her spirit—she’ll be able to hear me regardless.

She slips away again, but I know she’ll be back. I reach the edge of the woods, stopping just before the tree line. Still in view of the beach house.

“Mama,” I say, and my voice breaks. “Mom, I’m here. Come out. Let me see you.”

She appears again in my line of vision. She’s beautiful. Beautiful in the way your mom is when you’re a kid. Beautiful in the way someone you love is after they’re gone.

“Emerson,” she says, and she smiles softly. “Who let you get so big?”

My throat feels thick with the tears.

“It’s okay, baby,” she says, and she steps forward. She’s still ten, maybe twenty feet from me.

My breathing tears through me, and I feel tears spilling over my cheeks, hot against the cold winter air.

“Mama,” I say, and I feel like a little kid again. “I think about you every day.”

“Do you?” she asks, turning her head to the side. Like she knows.

“I— I don’t know.” I swallow, bringing my hands up to my face, using my sleeves to wipe away my tears. “I think if I let myself, it might kill me. But Ifeelyou every day. When I sing in the shower. When I use your brushes to paint. When I put cinnamon in my coffee, like you used to.”

“Oh,piu,” she murmurs. “You don’t have to be sad.”

“But I am,” I say. I feel my wolf in me, closer to the surface than ever. “I always wondered if I’d ever see you again. It’s been so long since the last time.”

“You’ll see me very soon,” she says, and I feel my brow furrow.

“What?”

“Follow me.” She lifts a hand to me. An invitation.

I hesitate. I can almost hear my own voice in my mind; the part of me that always calls out to myself in a dream, telling medon’t go, come back.I can hear Kieran telling me he wants to protect me, thatI just need you to trust me.

“You can trust yourself,” she says.

Can I?

I hear something from the top of the hill, and instinctively I glance over my shoulder, looking towards the noise. It’s a fox, exploring the deck of the house. I turn back to my mom and suddenly she’s just a few feet from me, her eyes serious.

“Emerson, listen,” she says, her tone earnest, words coming fast, like she doesn’t have enough time. “You will have a choice to make. When the moment comes, remember. You have everything you need to do this.”

“What moment? To do what?” I ask.

“You’ll know. Be strong. Who you are is enough.”

“What?”

And then she disappears.

“Mama, no. Wait,” I cry.

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