Page 38 of In Her Own Rite

My brain sputters to a stop.We’re best friends, I remind myself.That’s what he means.I take a deep breath.

“But I need you to know that you protect me because Iletyou,” I say finally. “Not because I can’t protect myself.”

His brow furrows. “Okay, but youdolet me. If I don’t make you feel safe, why do you let me sleep in your bed every night? Why do you want me there whenever things get hard?”

Because I’m in love with you, you idiot.

I shake my head, caught off-guard by my own emotion. I don’t know what I’m upset about anymore, which part of it. What we’re even arguing about.

“Hey. I just want to keep you safe,” he says, reaching out to hold me.

I shrug his hands off, and the words come out of my mouth before I have the time to think about them.

“So then what happens when you’re not here? What happens when you leave again?”

“Em.” I see surprise in his face. “I had to go.”

“Not true, and you know it.” I feel the tears come to my eyes, and I bring my hands up, using my ring fingers to wipe them away before they hit my cheeks. “Agaayu, this is so embarrassing. I’m sorry. It’s not about that. It’s just because I’m hormonal and we’re here again that I’m thinking about it.”

“Hey.” He reaches out to me again. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to cry.” He pulls me to his chest, and for a second I feel better, but then I shake my head and push him away.

“No, you know what? Itisabout that. It’salsoabout that.” I swallow, crossing my arms in front of me. “Listen. You live in a world where I need you to keep me safe. And youdomake me feel safe, Kier, you do. But the hardest stuff I’ve ever had to do, I did without you. The worst parts of my life, I survived before I met you. And do you know when, in my adult life, I felt the most vulnerable?”

He shakes his head. I swallow, looking up at him, meeting his eyes. Hazel, gold.

“It was when I stood upstairs inthishouse and I asked you to stay, and youleftme. Fortwo years, Kieran, you left. You didn’t say a word until Seb’s rite brought you back. I got throughthaton my own. So no, I don’t need you to follow me into the woods. I know how to take care of myself.”

And with that, I grab my coat and shoes, and storm out of the house.

14

KIERAN

She winds through the paths in the woods, trying to lose me. I hang back, maybe some forty or fifty paces—far enough to give her some space, but close enough that she knows I’m still there.

I can feel her anger ease as she walks farther. After about forty-five minutes, the thick clouds ahead finally give way to snow, and she leads me where I knew she would—the quarry.

She takes a seat on the rocks and looks out at the water. I hang back in the trees, giving her her space. After a few minutes, she looks over her shoulder and meets my eye. She nudges her head towards the water, and I follow, coming to sit next to her.

In my wolf form, she seems so small and delicate next to me. When I sit on my haunches, her head only comes up to my mid-chest. But today she doesn’t lean against me. There’s anger in the air as she looks out at the water.

“Do you remember when we met?” she asks.

Ah. So I’ll have to earn it.

My body rolls forward, shifting into my human form, and I can see her resolutely look away from me. She reaches into her bag and pulls out a blanket and a black sweater.

“Of course I remember.” I pull the sweater on and wrap the blanket over my lower half.

“Tell me then.”

“Well, I was—what was it, you were nine? So I would have been eleven. I was playing by myself in the woods, because my asshole brothers had just locked me out of the house. And then I heard a scream from the quarry.”

“It wasnota scream.”

“Right, my mistake. I heard avoicecoming from the quarry.”

“Better.”

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