Page 109 of In Her Own Rite

I swallow as the realization hits me. “Because I hope I see my mom again.”

He smiles. “I hope so, for you. And Em—”

“Yeah?”

He gives me a hug and squeezes me tight. I let go after a second, but he hangs on.

“What are you doing?” I ask. I hear him swallow, and I realize he’s getting choked up. For a moment, I worry he’s taking stock, in case this is goodbye. But he pulls back.

“I’m proud of you,” he says, taking me by surprise. “You were always the smallest of the us, but you were never the weakest.”

I smile. “Thanks, Seb.”

“You ready?”

“Yeah.”

He leads me out of the dressing room, and we head for the ceremonial hall.

It’s dark, the room lit only by candlelight, and I can feel a chill of goosebumps go over my skin as I hear people shuffling, making way for me. The first thing I see is Saga and Helen, standing in the middle of the room in our healers’ gowns. Seb leaves my side, and he, Gabe, Maren, and Quinn line up on either side of the doorway. The women from the elder council fill in the rest of the way to the healers. I find myself looking instinctively for Kieran around the perimeter of the room, but I don’t see him, and I feel a flush of nerves. As everyone gets into place, I take a deep breath.

They begin beating their chests and thighs, singing. The song as sung by women is higher-pitched than it was for Kieran’s rite, but it still feels like an ancient rhythm: unusual to my modern ears, beautiful in its brutality. I realize for a moment that this is the song my grandparents would have heard when they did their rite, and their great-grandparents before them.

Daughter of Tayyakuk, valiant warrior,the voices chant.

I begin walking towards the healers, feeling the drum of nerves in my gut. My wolf paces nervously, and I let her get close to the surface.

It is time for you to prove your worth, the elders sing.It is time to earn your place on the islands.

I come to stand before the healers, and Saga steps forward.

“Emerson Stenberg, daughter of Tayyakuk,” she says, raising the bowl ofkattakabetween us. I can smell the mixture, the scent musty and herbal, as she lifts it to my lips.

“May the ancestors guide you and uncover your weakness. May you rise to the fight. May you wrestle into submission the weakness within you and return to us.”

She tilts the bowl and I part my lips so that thekattakaslips into my mouth. The mixture is thick and cool, the texture earthy. I choke as the last bit reaches my throat, and swallow, feeling it slither down to my stomach.

“You have your pack behind you, and the ancestors before you,” Saga says. “Now you must make your way up to the ring alone. We’ll see you in the morning.Agaayit ikka.”

I nod and turn for the doors, every moment feeling slightly unnatural. Is this thekattakaalready, or does it just feel weird that it’s actually happening?

As I pass the elders, then the people from my training pack, I get encouraging nods and smiles. And as I walk out of the door into the night, I see Kieran.

Warmth floods my body, and I hear the heavy door to the common house close behind me. I walk up to him.

“We aren’t supposed to see each other once the ceremony is over,” I whisper.

“That didn’t stop you.”

I smile, feeling the patter of my nerves in my chest. He grabs my hand.

“I didn’t get why you gave me the hair tie,” he says. “But I liked having a piece of you with me when I was up there. I brought you something.”

He pulls a hand out from behind his back and opens it. In his palm is a purple blossom. A rhodora.

I gasp in surprise. Already, thekattakaseems to be having an impact on me, and my voice feels almost exaggerated to my own ears as I ask, “Where did you get this? They’re not in season.”

“It’s not real,” he says. “There’s a woman on Halssel who makes flowers out of crepe paper. I paid her to make it, and picked it up this morning when I shipped the arch. I know it’s stupid—”

---