Page 55 of In Her Own Rite

I cross my arms in front of my chest. “I’m not doing this. I won’t let this happen, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need you to let it happen,” says Em from the couch. Her voice is quiet but firm. “If I want to do this, all I need is four people in my training pack. It doesn’t have to include you.”

I feel a cold wave of anger flush through me.

“Ifyou did this—you, who’s never trained for anything like this before, who hasn’t even taken her wolf form in adecade—you would need the best fucking training pack there is, and if that doesn’t include me then it’s a goddamn death sentence.”

The look on her face is like I’ve punched her in the gut. I can see her breathing grow faster, anger and indignation pulsing through her. She stands up and walks out of the room, and I follow her. Behind us, I hear Seb let out a low whistle.

“Em. Em, please,” I say, following her through the kitchen and into the foyer. “Please, just listen to me.”

She turns around. “I don’t need to listen to you, since you’ve made your disdain for me perfectly clear. I know you’re worried about me. I know you want to protect me. But being the person I trust with myself and my safety is aprivilege, not aright.”

“Just—agaayu, vaare, listen to me. People train for years for the rite. Seb did it in a month, and he’ll be in pain for the rest of his life. Gabe started his training months ago. You can’t just do this without preparing properly.”

“I’m not stupid, Kier,” she says. “I can train for it, and if it turns out that I’m not ready in time, then I can always drop out and Gabe can do it next year. If that happens, we lose nothing.”

“But why would you put yourself through this?” I ask, grabbing her arm. “Why take the risk? Do we really need a house that badly? Is what we have now really so terrible?”

She crosses her arms in front of her, thinking. When she finally speaks, her voice is quiet.

“If I can do this, it’s my way of earning my place in thefika. Giving back for what they’ve given me.”

“Piu,” I say, putting my other hand on her shoulder. “You know you don’t need to earn anything, right? Youbelongin this family.”

“Don’t patronize me,” she says, looking away.

“Is that what this is about?” I ask. “Youarea part of this family. No one is going to kick you out overnight.”

“Why would you say that?”

“You think I don’t know that you always have a packed bag under your bed, just in case?” I ask. “You think I haven’t noticed that your bedroom furniture is the exact same as the day you moved in? Come on, Em. You never let yourself believe you belong here. But getting yourself killed in the ring isnotthe answer.”

She steps back from me, shrugging my arms off her. Something in the air is different between us. I’ve broken something.

“You don’t know me,” she says.

“I know you better than anyone.”

“You don’t know me better than I know myself.” She swallows. “Is that really what you think of me? That I’m so weak? That I’m completely incapable? That I’m so stupid that I’ll just walk up there to my death?”

I shake my head.

“Em, I— it’s not about strength. You’re, what,five-five? I could lift you over my shoulder with next to no effort. It’s not about what you can or can’t do, it’s just the facts. It’s just the way it is.”

I see her swallow, and her face grows bitter. “Maybe you’re right, Kier. Maybe I’m insane to want to do this. But if you loved me, you wouldn’t shut me down. You would help me train, so I have the best possible chance.”

“Em, this is a death sentence.”

“Notif you help me.”

I shake my head. “I can’t do that, I’m sorry. I can’t let you risk your life for this.”

“Then leave,” she says, and turns back for the den.

21

EMERSON

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