CHAPTER 25
ORAN
Self-doubt wasthe equivalent of mental quicksand. The more you engaged, the deeper you sank. I was up to my fucking eyeballs and hated it. Had I been too hard on Lina? Should I have followed her to the spare bedroom and demanded an explanation? I wouldn’t allow myself to wonder if I should have taken her back to her place because it wasn’t an option. I needed her here, end of story.
If you gave her what she asked for, maybe she’d trust you more.
And there it went—the vicious cycle of uncertainty and self-doubt. I was a rat in a cage, running to exhaustion and never getting anywhere. Certainly not sleep. If I managed to set aside thoughts of our argument, my mind jumped immediately into memories of her grinding against my face.
I could still fucking taste her. It made me hard for more.
Or maybe it was the anger that made me hard. I wanted to sink myself inside her for so many damn reasons that they blurred together, making everything that much more murky.
I’d been lying in bed for what felt like hours and was just about to get up when I saw Lina’s silhouette fill my doorway. I couldn’t see her clearly, but I could tell she’d changed into the shirt I’d given her, her long legs bare beneath. She looked so damn innocent as she lingered there, battling her own uncertainty.
“Come here, Lina.” I lifted onto my elbow and patted the side of the bed.
Likely relieved I was still awake, she swept forward, then sat cross-legged on the bed. She sat close enough that I could get to her but not without reaching. I had to resist the urge to yank her closer. She’d come to me for a reason, and I wanted her to feel comfortable enough to say what she needed to say.
“When I was seventeen, Ron Gaetz took my virginity.”
She spoke in a slow, even tone as if she weren’t talking about statutory rape, if not worse. My entire body petrified into solid stone. I couldn’t have moved if I’d wanted to. I didn’t even breathe as she continued.
“I didn’t know who he was until tonight. I never saw his face, but I would recognize that voice anywhere.”
Slowly, I coerced my body to sit upright, never taking my eyes from her. “That …manraped you, and your parentsknewabout it?” Fuck, her mom had been practically giddy for Lina to see him. Why? To torture her? Was it some sort of taunt? It was the most fucked-up thing I’d ever witnessed.
“It’s complicated, but yes, they knew. That’s why they brought him tonight. They want me to stay away from the club.”
“Jesus, then why not stay away? That fucking club isn’tworth it.” I tried so hard not to get frustrated, but what in the actual hell? Why would she do that to herself?
“My mother has always used and manipulated me.” A tremor shook her voice, but it wasn’t one of pain or sadness. The strain in her voice was pure fury. “I refuse to give her power over me. Not anymore. And I know you’ll have a million questions, but I can’t give you any answers, so please don’t ask for more. I just can’t.”
Yeah, I had questions. A fuck ton of questions. But how could I be an ass and demand answers after she’d just been so brave to open up like that?
What shehadshared, though, went a long way in helping me understand her. And while I respected her need to show strength, there was no chance in hell I was letting her step foot back in that club. This wasn’t the time, however, to start that argument. And no matter how much I wanted to pull her into bed with me and hold her the rest of the night, that hardly seemed appropriate after she’d just told me she’d been raped.
That really only left me with one option. I got up and walked around to where she sat, holding my hand out for hers. She took it and let me help her to her feet. I led her into the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” she asked when I opened the fridge.
“Feeding you. You never ate any dinner.”
“I’m not all that hungry.”
I stilled, then looked back at her. “You’re not going back to bed until you’ve eaten something.”
Her brows knitted together. “I suppose I could have one of those bananas.”
I followed her gaze to the fruit bowl that held two spotted bananas and an old orange. Not ideal, but it was something. Ipeeled back the top portion, then handed it over and leaned back against the counter.
She took a big bite, which didn’t make my dick stir at all. Nope. That would have been tactless. But I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable, so I averted my gaze off into the shadows of the living room.
“What about you? Don’t you need to eat, too?”
“No need to worry about me,” I murmured, amused that she’d asked.
“You get to worry, but I don’t?”