Page 26 of Ruthless Salvation

Memoriesof the past hijacked my brain as I clung to Torin on the back of his bike. I tried to fight them off, but a slideshow of images flashed one after the other in a vicious cycle. By the time we arrived at my building, I was submerged in a vat of sticky, putrid self-doubt.

I’d had mind-blowing sex with Torin Byrne. Irish mobster. Boxer. Possible stalker. And my boss.

Myboss.

Good Lord, Stormy. Will you ever freaking learn?

I gave Blue Bell a few quick rubs before going straight to the shower. I wanted to wash it all away—the memories and uncertainty—everything about the past. And the present, too. I wanted to rid myself of the desire that still thrummed in my veins. Of the feel of Torin’s body on mine, making my heart sing.

They said hindsight was twenty-twenty, but with each minute that passed, I was more confused than ever. Sex with Torin was incredible. I’d never been so swept away by a man’s touch in my life. It was also a gargantuan mistake. That should have been clear to me now that I was free from the overwhelming lust that clouded my brain when he was near. So why couldn’t I summon any regret?

Because you needed me.

When he’d said those words, my heart had come undone. Logic evaporated. Because Ihadneeded him. Desperately. I’d needed him not to be hurt, and I’d needed out of that crowd. Without a word from me, he’d known. He’d come to my rescue with ruthless ferocity. Why was that a bad thing?

I knew why. Red flags might start out smaller than those cute little drink umbrellas, but before long, that same red fabric was long enough to braid into a red rope that would cinch tight around your neck.

He was dangerous if only because he made me reckless. I’d let the man come inside me not once buttwice, and I’d never said a word. I could have. I considered it. But if I was being brutally honest, I had wanted to feel him inside me without anything between us. Pregnancy wasn’t an issue, but who knew what diseases I could contract.

Stupid.Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I hadn’t confronted him about following me. I’d even given him directions to my place to avoid suspicion. Hell, I’d been leaving my curtains cracked in an open invitation to watch me. I hadn’t fully appreciated his motives at the time, but the fact that I’d ignored the obvious danger was problem enough.

I couldn’t seem to make good decisions where he was concerned, and I knew what that meant. If I couldn’t stay away from him, I would have to force the issue and leave. There was only one thing more repulsive than the thought of moving again, and that was reliving my past. I refused to fall victim to another abusive man.

I wasn’t certain that Torin would hurt me, but I couldn’t guarantee that he was safe either. He was a fighter and a gangster. The odds were stacked against him, which meant the risk was too great. I couldn’t allow myself to be blinded to the dangers. Not again.

Present

There wasnothing more maddeningly futile than trying to guess what a person was thinking. I was one to know. I’d spent the last twelve hours trying to do just that and was no better off than when I’d started.

Something had changed for Stormy between getting on the back of my bike and arriving at her apartment. I wanted to know what that was. More than anything, I wanted to know that she didn’t regret letting me fuck her.

Was it a mistake? Hell yeah, it was. Should never have happened.

Did I want her to regret it? Fuck, no.

Three issues stood out in my mind as the most likely sources of conflict for her. First, she was seeing someone and felt bad about being unfaithful. If that was the case, she’d get over it. I certainly had no remorse about interfering and would go so far as to say I hoped he never touched her again.

That left two somewhat more complicated circumstances: the fact that I was her boss, and the fact that I hadn’t used a condom. Both were perfectly sound reasons to worry. As for her job, I could reassure her with a few quick words that nothing had to change. I wasn’t going to fire her or treat her differently because we’d had sex.

The condom was a little trickier. I was clean, so that shouldn’t have worried her, but I wasn’t sure what to do about the possibility of pregnancy. Hell, I wasn’t even sure how I felt about it. I’d never had a particular desire for kids. It was too hard to imagine me settling down with anyone to even entertain the possibility. Yet now that I was forced to imagine the scenario, it didn’t sound so bad. A new life that would bind us together forever? I found that disturbingly reassuring.

I hadn’t decided on a course of action by the time the club opened, but it turned out that I didn’t need one. Stormy wouldn’t even make eye contact with me.

After an hour, I forced myself to go over. “Can I talk to you for a second?” I wished it wasn’t necessary, but I didn’t see any other way to deflate the awkward tension poisoning the air around us.

“Actually, Jolly needed my help with the girls.” She flashes a smile, her eyes grazing mine for the briefest of seconds. “I better get back there.”

I let her walk away despite the growing irritation clawing under my skin. The fact that I was so bothered by her behavior added frustration to my billowing storm cloud of a mood. I’d told myself we’d be better off apart. She was saving me the trouble of raising a barrier between us, so why did that piss me off so much?

I let the thought simmer and fester for an hour before I intentionally crossed paths with her in the bathroom hallway. Things were picking up for the night. If I was going to talk with her, now was the time.

“Step outside with me. We need to talk.” I cranked up my authoritarian tone so she’d be more likely to listen.

“Women’s toilet is clogged.” She gave a remorseful smile. “It’ll have to wait.” She tried to push past me. I shot out my arm and barred her exit.

“Outside.Now.”

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