Page 32 of Untether

‘The boys are grabbing their cricket whites,’ I tell him as we enter the kitchen. ‘They were so pumped when I told them to bring them. It was adorable.’

‘It’s perfect weather for it,’ John observes. ‘And there should be a good gang up there. The Kingsmill-Browns are coming along, and the Spencers. And I think some of the locals will join if we have a match.’

‘Oh, fun,’ I say absently. ‘They’ll love that.’

Bylocals, he almost certainly means the landed families in his vicinity rather than any of the regular people in North Norfolk who would have served John’s family a couple centuries ago.

Nevertheless, I’m equally thrilled that the boys have a busy weekend ahead with their friends and that I no longer have to be a part of it. I always felt on the outskirts of John’s social circle. The guys were charming, of course, but most of their wives were older than me and, though nice, firmly intheir own bubble in the vaguely self-satisfied way most members of his class are.

It’s a relief to be out of it, to be honest. Even if it means a weekend alone, catching up on research for my day job and admin forParadise.

Speaking of:

‘I need to update you on something while I have you here,’ I say as I pour him a glass of water and slide it across the island. ‘Just as a courtesy, really.’

‘Of course,’ he says smoothly, pulling out a bar stool and taking a seat. He prides himself on having the perfect, polite response to every situation. I think it mortified him even more than me when his exploits were splashed across every front page in the country. I still can’t tell if he’s a genuinely decent guy who made a few spectacular errors of judgement or a total dick whose facade got shattered.

I think it’s the former, but I’m not one hundred percent sure.

‘I’m producing a new documentary,’ I tell him. I stay standing. I feel more in control this way.

‘Good for you.’

‘Thanks. I’m excited about it. The thing you should know is, it’s about me. And sex.’

He frowns. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t quite understand.’

‘I’m exploring the relationship women my age and older have with their sexuality. It’s still an area that doesn’t receive enough profile, and I want to use my platform to bring in experts and shine a light on the whole topic, from desires to menopause to divorce.’

He flinches almost imperceptibly then, and I know what his question will be.

‘It’s not about our marriage,’ I say quickly. ‘Not overtly. I intend to mention it as little as possible.’

‘Right,’ he says in a tone that tells me he’s reserving judgement until he’s heard more.

‘But there will be a… practical aspect. I’m the conduit for this entire discussion. I embody many of the challenges we’ll raise. Divorced, perimenopausal, sexually conservative.’

He looks down at his glass of water and runs his thumb over the condensation.

‘And I’m partnering with a very high-end sex club,’ I continue before I lose my nerve. John doesn’t have a leg to stand on here, but that doesn’t make it easier. That said, discussing this with the man who used to share my bed should be a drop in the ocean compared to the kind of confrontations I’ll find myself in when this thing goes public.

He wrinkles his nose. ‘Asexclub?’

‘Yeah. I’m being mentored by a guy there. He’ll be putting me through my paces so I can gain some new experiences. It’s the only real way for me to explore what my sexuality should and can look like now, in my forties.’

I pause so I can get a read on his reaction, because John is nothing if not circumspect.

‘He’s “putting you through your paces”.’

‘That’s correct.’

‘So you’re fucking some guy on camera to provide content for a documentary about sex.’

‘No. I’m not fucking him on camera. I’ll fuck him in private and discuss it on camera.’

His jaw twists. ‘A bit vulgar for you, isn’t it?’

‘I’d argue not. To me,vulgaris having your whores kiss and tell in theDaily Mirror.’

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