Page 87 of Untether

He wraps an arm around me, and I navigate the small distance between us with a butt shimmy as I keep ahold of my mug. Then I’m inclining my head to the left so I can rest it against his bare shoulder.

God, this is gorgeous. He’s gorgeous. He’s so insanely wonderful—way too good to be true.

‘Right.’ He kisses my temple and keeps his arm wrapped around my neck, hand dangling over my shoulder. I reachup with my free hand and entwine our fingers. ‘Tell me why the prospect of me even trying to be your boyfriend had you acting like a rabbit in the headlights. Spit it out. I’m a big boy—I can take it. Though I’m not remotely used to dealing with rejection, so maybe go a little easy on me.’

I laugh. ‘Okay. Full disclosure, seriously?’

‘Full.’

‘One. You run a sex club. Nothing about that saysable to commit.’

‘I give you Rafe, Zach and Gen. But okay.’

‘Shh. Two. I’ve had it very firmly in my head that this thing of ours has a shelf life. Sure, it’s gone way beyond what I hoped it would be for the purposes of the documentary, but I still thought we were just messing around.’ I take a deep breath. ‘So I’ve told myself not to get attached. I’ve very much told myself that all along. You know,don’t fall for the guy every woman wants.It’s cliché and pathetic.’

He doesn’t say anything then, just kisses my hair and squeezes my fingers harder.

‘Three. Is it three? I’m a lot older than you. Like, a lot. I’m flattered you’re attracted to me, but I’ll be way less attractive in ten years time and you’ll be hot as fuck for decades and decades still.’

‘We’ll come back to that one, because I fundamentally disagree,’ he says.

‘Fine. Four. It’s related, but I assume we want different things in our lives. I can’t give you babies of your own. I have two kids, and we come as a package deal. I’ve already done a decade of the parenthood experience, and I’d never want to deprive you of that. I realise you’re not asking me to marry you, so I’m probably overreacting, but if you’re proposing a relationship, then I see that as a factor.’

‘Anything else?’ he asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

I sigh. ‘I guess it’s a general one, but it didn’t occur to me that I’d get into another relationship so soon. I mean, this year has been about the very messy, very public dissolution of my marriage. I’m not saying I’m not ready, but it wasn’t really on my radar, you know?’

‘I get that,’ he says. ‘Mine neither. Are you quite done?’

‘For the moment,’ I say, snagging my mug between my thighs and reaching for a piece of buttery toast. I’m sure I have more incisively valid points to make, but I think those are the main ones.

‘Good. Because I have to say, for someone whose profession is creating compelling arguments, that was fucking useless.’

I bark out a surprised laugh. ‘What do you mean?’ I ask through a mouthful of excellent toast.

‘I mean those ‘issues’ are all lame as fuck. Honestly. Pathetic effort.’

‘You’re horrible,’ I tell him.

‘Yep. But listen to me, baby. You’re fixating on the wrong stuff. I don’t give a shit about our age difference, except that it makes you a hell of a lot more interesting than most of the women I’ve been with. I just care about how it is between us, and it’s really fucking good.’

‘The sex is really amazing,’ I tell him carefully, because I’ve belatedly realised what all my objections boil down to, ‘but I guess my overall worry is that you’ll get bored and I’ll get hurt.’

There. That’s what I should have said up front, because, honestly, that’s right at the heart of my reservations. And yeah, it feels humiliating to say it out loud, but if Cal can be vulnerable, then I owe it to him to share my vulnerabilities, too.

Especially if being brave now saves me from getting hurt down the line.

‘Wow.’ He twists to set his mug down on the nightstand before turning back to me and doing the same with mine. ‘Okay. Time for some real honesty, because if that’s how you’re feeling, then we absolutely can’t have that. Tell me something, baby. Do you think about me when we’re not together?’ He’s twisted all the way around to face me and his hands are cupping my face.

I nod against them. ‘Yes,’ I whisper.

‘Yep. Me too. Do you miss me when we’re not together?’

‘Yeah.’ I swallow.

‘Good girl. See how good you are at this? Me too. Now, do you find that the more time we spend together, the more you want? Like, last night just makes you want more and more? Like you can’t get enough of us?’

I start to tremble. He’s holding my face so I can’t look away, and in the morning light his brown eyes are raw and searching and so, so profound. I’m almost afraid to answer, but I do, because this beautiful man deserves the truth. ‘Yes.’

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