Page 112 of Untether

I was that guy.

And I can see why my apparent one-eighty might give Gen whiplash. It shouldn’t—but I can see why it would.

‘Yeah,’ I tell her now. ‘A massive change.’

‘I just wanted to check in with you,’ she whispers, ‘to make sure you’ve really thought it through. I know it’s noneof my business, but I feel responsible for Aida. I couldn’t bear it if she’d come here looking to gain confidence and she got her heart broken in the process.’

The mere thought of that happening is enough to make me feel sick to my stomach.

‘No.’ I shake my head forcefully. ‘No one’s getting their heart broken. Definitely not Aida, anyway. Maybe me. Who knows? And look. I haven’t necessarily thought it through in the way you mean. I haven’t sat there and obsessed about how different my life will look every single evening—and maybe I should, I dunno.

‘It’s way more instinctive than that, you know? I’m kind of being led by my feelings here. I’m not explaining it very well, but it’s like I don’t even have a choice.’

I pause. I get emotional even thinking about her, especially when I’m not with her. ‘It’s like this fucking massive tidal wave of, like, love and lust and adoration has just swept over me, and I’m being carried along, and I have no fucking clue where I’m going or which way is up, but I can tell you I am happy as Larry to go along for the ride.’

Gen’s staring at me, her face soft and her eyes teary. She sniffs. ‘Well, that’s absolutely lovely.’

‘So when you saymonogamy, like it’s some sort of intentional decision or even a commitment? It’s honestly not. Like I said, I have no choice because I can’t even conceive of another option. I don’t want anyone else.’

I shudder, because the idea of being with any of the women at Alchemy now seriously gives me the heebie-jeebies. And if she’d wanted to use her time at the club to explore other options, I would have fucking died. Dead. No doubt about it.

Thank fuck I didn’t emancipate herthatmuch, eh?

‘What I have with her is so…’ I can’t even find the way to describe it. ‘It means so much. It’s a totally different experience from fucking random women. Why would I want to go near anyone else when I can be withher, you know?’

Her. It’s a tiny word, but when I use it to refer to Aida, it feels like it should come with a capital H. Like she’s God, or something.

Because she is fucking everything.Everything.

Gen’s still staring, but she collects herself and puts her mug on the counter before closing the gap between us and wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. I reciprocate gladly.

You wouldn’t think Gen’s a great hugger, because she can come off as a bit of an ice queen if you don’t know her. But she really is. First of all, her tits are amazing and cushiony, which always helps. She smells incredible, and she only gives hugs when she really wants to, like right now. She’s squeezing me so tight.

‘Yeah,’ she whispers into my ear, ‘the boy’s got it bad. That’s definitely love.’ She sniffs again. ‘God, she’s a lucky girl. And our little Cal’s all grown up.’

‘Fuck off,’ I say lightheartedly, and she hugs me harder.

‘I’m so happy for you both.’ She releases me and kind of squishes my face with a little slap at the end. ‘Don’t fuck it up.’

‘I won’t.’ I have no intention of ever, ever messing this up. ‘Now, I have to go take my girl for a very public lunch.’

73

AIDA

“The great end of life is not knowledge but action.”

—Milton,Paradise Lost

Afew well-timed calls from Mara to some of the classier society photographers pay dividends. Cal and I are photographed strolling along leafy Westbourne Grove together, his arm clamped firmly around my shoulder. As we stroll and chat, he keeps leaning over to pepper my temple and jaw and cheek with kisses so sweet I know they have nothing to do with the cameras.

Let me rephrase, because my boyfriend is an attention whore and I know he’s in performance mode. They aren’tjustfor the cameras.

I don’t mind that we’re being watched, though, because the sheer relief of being out and about with Cal is immense. Being able to go where I please with him is as important as it is delicious. I’ve endured the dark side of celebrity this year, but before John caused headlines, I could pretty muchdo as I please. I wasn’t of any more interest than the dozens of glossy, vaguely familiar people who frequent this neighbourhood.

Our relationship couldn’t have gotten off to a less traditional start, so it’s crucial for me that we getsometraditional parts, like strolling around, and window shopping, and just being—in a way that doesn’t necessarily involve nudity or masks or bondage, that is.

We sit down for an alfresco sidewalk lunch at one of the area’s chic eateries. It’s pretty cold, but we’re wrapped up in heavy coats, and the restaurant has outdoor heaters.

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