Page 19 of The Price We Pay For Love

“The breathing apparatus they used during the operation must've made your throat sore. Drink as much as you can.” He takes a few more sips before I move it from his mouth and gently place his head back down on the pillow. I sit next to him and cross my legs and fold my hands together on my lap.

“I’m sorry, Phoebe. I never should have acted the way I did with you,” he starts, and I brush his words away with a flick of my hand.

“It’s fine. I get it. We’d been drinking and it didn’t mean anything to you?—”

“It meant everything to me.” He interrupts with such urgency that I immediately stop talking. He reaches out his hand and I tenderly place mine in it. He clasps his fingers around my palm and holds onto me tightly. “I wasn’t apologising for sleeping with you, or even for ghosting you after.” I try to pull my hand away, embarrassment flooding through me, but he holds on so I can’t without tugging it, and I don’t want to hurt him. “That came out wrong. Of course I’m sorry for ghosting you. Being with you is all I’ve wanted since I can remember. When we were together, I felt whole. Like I did before Dad died.” He takes a deep breath and I use it to ask my own questions.

“So why did you act like an arsehole after?”

A soft chuckle falls from his lips and, even though he looks tired and fragile, it’s still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. “Because I was scared. I’ve been having pains in my chest for a while now. I convinced myself they were anxiety and panic attacks. But they also worried me. I saw what losing my dad did to my mum and I didn’t want to put you through that. Any of you.

“Losing Dad broke me. It’s why the idea of you being pregnant was so terrifying to me. I thought if I pushed you all away, when my time came you wouldn’t be as hurt. You wouldn’t break and crumble like Mum did. You wouldn’t be so affected by it.”

“Freddie, that’s ridiculous. Regardless of how much of an arse you are, we still love you. We’d still be in pieces. Devastated and distraught. It doesn’t work the way you think,” I tell him with a little anger and a lot of hurt in my voice.

“Thought. How I thought. I don’t think that now. After Ivy ripped into me at Mum’s, I drove home. The pain was the worst it’s ever been and I knew I was having more than an anxiety attack. It’s why I phoned you. I knew I was dying and I had to tell you. The idea of dying with you hating me was too much to bear.”

“I could never hate you, Freddie. I love you too damn much.”

His eyes meet mine and a slow grin takes over his face. “I love you too.”

When his eyes lock with mine, I want to reach down and kiss him. But I also need him to finish his story. So, instead, I smile gently and wait for him to continue.

“I don’t remember coming to the hospital. The next thing I knew, I was in a bed, my dad standing over me telling me to get up.” A gasp leaves my lips and he nods his reply. “It was kind of likeA Christmas Carol.He showed me the error of my ways.” He huffs out a shallow laugh, ”Probably all the morphinethey pumped into me. But something he said resonated with me, ‘Grief is the price we pay for love.’ I’ve heard that saying before but it never made any sense to me until he explained it. That the memories he has with my mum remind him of all the love they shared. Death didn’t take that away.

“I get it now. His body’s gone, but the love he showed us all will never die. He told me to make memories that would light my way through the dark times. And the only memories I want to make are with you, Pheebs. All of my memories already involve you. I want the future ones to as well.”

He stops talking and looks at me hopefully, but all I can do is breathe through the ongoing stream of tears falling down my cheeks. He’s telling me everything I’ve wanted to hear for years. But what if he changes his mind?

“I won’t change my mind. I know that’s what you're thinking. I love you, Phoebe. I want you to be my wife.” My jaw drops open and I stare at him in disbelief.

“Freddie, do you really mean it?” My voice wobbles with emotion.

“With all my broken heart.” I tut in disapproval of his joke and he grins again. “Honestly, I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you.”

“Will you see a therapist?” This kind of request with the old Freddie would’ve warranted a full blown argument and a refusal.

“Whatever you want.”

“Will you cut back on the restaurant?” Again, something that would have been vehemently refused.

“I’ll sell the damn place if you want me to, Pheebs.”

“Whoa. You really love me.” I lean back in my chair as shock and realisation settles in my stomach and starts to bloom into hope and happiness.

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to tell you that.” He chuckles again and tightens his hold on my hand. “I’ll do anything for you,Pheebs. I was an arsehole before, but I want to be your Freddie Bear again.”

This time I don’t stay in my chair. I’m on my feet, placing both my hands on his cheeks before I crash my mouth against his. He chuckles against my lips and places his hands on my arms but winces in pain. I break away from him, but he groans and says ‘more’ and pouts his lips at me. A soft laugh falls from my lips as I brush a strand of his hair from his forehead.

“We have all the time in the world for more, Freddie Bear. We need you to get better before we get to more.” I stare into his eyes and happiness fills my entire being. “I love you, Freddie. I’d pay any price for love, as long as it’s you loving me back.”

EPILOGUE

Freddie

“Ido.”

“And with the power vested in me by the internet, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss her, Freddie.” Lola giggles in front of us as I reach toward my beautiful bride, dip her backward and kiss her in front of all our family and friends. As our mouths melt together I can’t believe my luck. A year ago, I was a brokenhearted fool who did nothing but work and pushed everyone I cared about away. All because I thought I couldn’t face losing them or them losing me. And now I have a beautiful wife, an amazing family, and a thriving restaurant I co-own with Lauren. Life is good. And it’ll be even better when we get to tell our friends and family that we’re bringing new life into the world, too.

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