Page 58 of Mine

I turned back to Sara. Her face, already pale, was paler now. Her tears still stained her cheeks.

“I’m falling apart because of you,” I said.

She stood shakily from the couch and came to me. I reached out and cupped her cheek in my hand.

“I’m sorry,” she said. She looked scared, so scared. Not as scared as I felt. My whole life that I had built up, all of the steadiness of my existence, was threatened because I couldn’t kill her. I didn’t know if what I felt was real. But I couldn’t let myself be as evil as my family had been.

“Tell me what you want me to do,” she whispered.

I touched her skin, brushing her beautiful dark locks away from her eyes and wiping the tears from her cheeks. Such depth in those eyes. I had taken her apart, but I couldn’t put her back together. I broke everything I touched. It was all broken, all of it.

“I need to forget,” I said. “I need you to want me.”

“Rien…”

“Pretend to want me,” I said. “You’re good at that, aren’t you?” I leaned forward and kissed her. Softly at first, then more deeply. Her full lips trembled against mine, and I pulled her body towards me. I wanted her. More than that, I wanted her desire. Even if it was fake. I didn’t deserve more than that. I would take all that she offered, and more. She gasped as I kissed her, my mouth moving to her neck.

“Rien—”

“Pretend to love me. Can you do that, Sara?” I breathed against her neck, inhaling her scent, burying myself in her hair. My hands moved over her tense muscles, and where they went I felt her body melting towards me.

“Yes,” she whispered. I kissed her again, her body leaning into mine.The salvation of man is through love and in love.This wasn’t love. It wasn’t real. But it was all I had, and even the shadow of love might be enough to keep the demons away.

Sara

Rien held me in his arms.

“Yes,” I said. Pretend. Yes. I could pretend. My life had been a long pretense, a lesson in acting. This was just one more role.

And when he pulled me into his embrace, his lips crashing against mine, the aching desire that leapt up in my body was only pretend. That’s what I told myself. I kissed him back, and the desperate need in his kiss spread the ache until every part of me wanted him against me.

His hands moved down my body, and my heart pounded as he kissed me again and again, his lips drawing new need from mine with every touch.

His hand brushed over my lower back, kneading my muscles as his lips took mine, sucking, licking. His hand moved down past the buttoned shirt and cupped my ass.

“Oh!” I cried out when his hand squeezed me there. My body clenched, and I felt the ache between my thighs give way to wetness. “Rien, please—”

He spun me, shoving me against the bookshelf. My breath left my body in one whoosh with the impact, and then he was kissing me again, kissing me so hard that it took all the rest of my breath from me. His body pressed against mine, pushing me hard against the shelves. He had me in his arms, pulling me up on tiptoe, and when he finally let go I gasped for air.

“I want you so badly,” he whispered. I felt him against me, his thick erection straining through his pants. I imagined him filling me the way he had in the night, and my breath caught in my throat.

He’d taken me, and I’d liked it. And then he’d acted like it was nothing. Was this nothing, too? I couldn’t believe it, not with the burning look of desire I saw in his eyes. When he’d taken me before, it had been completely dark. But maybe he was good at acting, better than I was. He’d asked me to pretend, and I would. Even if the pretense was only a thin veil that didn’t mask what I really wanted. Wasn’t that how the best actors did it, after all?

I shook myself free of my thoughts. I wanted nothing. This was only an act.

I reached up and pulled Rien in for another kiss. The hunger in his kisses shocked me and made the ache inside me grow. Then he grabbed my shirt with both hands and yanked. Buttons flew across the room as the fabric ripped apart. My body was exposed. His hands gripped my breasts so hard that tears sprung to my eyes. I moaned against his lips as he kissed me, his hands kneading my body.

His kisses moved down my neck to my shoulder. He bit down and I cried out. Immediately he relaxed his jaw, letting his teeth graze my collarbone. The edge of his teeth sent shivers through my bones.

“I need this,” he mumbled against my skin. “Sara, forgive me. Forgive me.”

My hands ran through his hair as he bent down to take my breast into his mouth. He sucked hard and I yelped, losing control of my muscles as the thrill ran through my body. If his hands hadn’t been pressing me against the shelves, I would’ve fallen. He sucked my nipple, his teeth nipping the skin to make me cry out. I could tell he liked to hear me whimper, and I didn’t try to hide my noises as he suckled me and teased my nipples with his tongue.

His mouth moved down, kissing the bare skin of my stomach. I jerked, but my hips only hit the shelves and he held me back so I could not move. My fingers gripped his hair. His tongue ran circles around the lower part of my stomach, pausing at the hipbone.

Was he? No. He wasn’t. He couldn’t.

“Rien—”

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