Page 84 of His

He collapsed against me, his body almost crushing mine. I could feel his heartbeat racing against my own chest, our hearts trying to outdo each other. His lungs pressed against me with each breath.

And for the first time in a long time, I thought to myself:

I’m alive.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Gav

The darkness receded as I spilled myself inside of her. The world brightened, the shadow gone.

For how long? I didn’t care. What mattered was here, now.

What mattered was her.

She reached up to me and touched my lips. On her face was something like wonder.

“I love you,” she said, and began to cry.

Kat

“I love you.”

The words tumbled from my mouth and I lay there, more surprised that I had said them than surprised that I had felt them. Was it shock that drove me to tears? No, something else. A desperation that had grown inside of me until now, it showed itself.

He didn’t say anything. Instead he stood up, stumbling at the edge of the bed.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

I’m sorry?I wanted to reach out to him. Why are you sorry? Tears streamed down my cheeks and I was unable to stop them. I felt completely melted, unraveled. He had torn me apart inside and out, and I wanted him to turn to me, to hold me together. Instead he put his head in his hands.

“Please…” I whispered. “Gav?”

“Why are you crying?” he asked, a hint of frustration in his voice.

I shook my head. Strands of my hair stuck to my cheek, hot and wet as it was with tears.

“I don’t know,” I said. “It was wonderful. Gav—”

“And you’re crying.”

“This isn’t real!” I sobbed.

There. That was it. That was the thing that made me cry right now. He had split open my heart, and I had given it away to an illusion.

The realization shattered me. All around me, the walls spun. He was there, sitting right there. He had touched me, made me feel alive. He had made me feel wanted. He had made me feelloved.

“This isn’t real,” I repeated. Trying to make myself believe what I knew to be the truth. “None of this is real.”

“What isn’t real?” His voice was blank, empty. It made me even angrier. I brought my fists down hard, but against the mattress they didn’t even make a noise. My sobs were hoarse and angry.

“You!”

“I’m not real?”

He turned his head slowly, carefully meeting my gaze.

“You’re a psychopath,” I whispered. “The only guy who’s ever cared about me is a psychopath.”

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