Page 32 of S is for…

Lihn, Julen, Peter, Joni, Laney, Diann

Julen rolled his shoulders,trying to break the tightness in his muscles.The tension had been mounting since the moment Laney used her safe word.Though it had been briefly muted by the pathetic parking lot drinking with Peter.

It wasn’t the first time he’d had a sub use a safe word, especially in a physically demanding rope scene, where a surprise muscle cramp could end a scene quickly.

In those instances, he Monday-morning quarterbacked the scene, trying to figure out if there was a way he could have spotted the problem beforehand—had his sub partner do additional stretches or warm up activities.Asked them to hold some other stress posture during scene-prep to better assess their ability to endure the ropes, etc.If there wasn’t more that could have been done in prep, he dissected the rope work itself, assessing how he could’ve modified the ties in order to prevent the issue.

In Laney’s case, there was plenty he could have, and should have, done differently.Or done at all.It wasn’t insufficient prep, or rope-work that needed improvement, that led to her using her safe word.This was entirely his fault, because he’d committed one of the most egregious sins of BDSM.

He hadn’t paid attention to his sub.

He was passionate about the art form of shibari and rope play in general.Tying was meditative, and could quiet the noise in his head the way nothing else did.It was also highly visual, and he liked that.A high-protocol submissive was as bound by their Master’s verbal orders as his subs were by rope, but for Julen, the visual binding was more satisfying.

Tying someone up, making them helpless to the point that he could move and position them however he wanted, satisfied his need for control.

His need to dominate.

But the power exchange was exactly that, an exchange.Submissives gave him permission to render them helpless, in exchange for both the feel of the rope, and his focus.Tying was inherently dangerous, especially suspension play, so a Dom had to keep their attention on the sub.He’d let his confidence in both his knowledge and skill, his surety that Laney was fine and safe, make him lazy.

He’d broken Laney’s trust.She had every right to be angry with him.The problem wasn’t that there had been more than one sub suspended in rope on that stage—he’d done demos and multi-sub scenes before.But in those cases, the waiting they experienced as he moved between the subs became a tool.When he shifted focus, he did so knowing that having five minutes to close their eyes and “fly” was either something the sub needed, or would enhance their experience.He knew how to embed peaceful waiting into a suspension scene in a way that enhanced the sub’s experience.

He wouldn’t lie to himself and say that was what he had done with Laney.During their prep scene she’d proven to be a proficient rope bottom, in line with Nomi, Tareq’s sub.And yet, he’d planned the complicated, almost-inverted tie for Nomi, not Laney.He’d kept hers purposefully simple so he could focus elsewhere, not as a strategy to enhance Laney’s experience, but so she wouldn’t need his attention.

He’d been a selfish asshole, stupid in a way he hadn’t been since he first started out in BDSM and thought that kink meant getting to take out all his controlling urges on subs.Other tops in the scene had disabused him of that notion, and with prejudice.He knew, truly knew, that though on the surface a Dom had control during a scene, in reality, control and power were fluid and shifting, like a tide coming in and receding.

But based on his behavior over the past few days, no one would believe he was an experienced, respected top.

He took a moment to study Laney.He’d scened with her twice and yet he barely knew her.Laney had seemed almost blank, behaving more like the professional sub models he’d sometimes worked with for demos at conferences—with no needs or wants of her own, there entirely in service of the rope.

And he hadn’t questioned that.

It wasn’t until after she muttered “Fuck, you’re bossy,” when Joni kicked her that Julen realized he didn’t actually know her personality at all.

And when she’d answered his apology with “I’m easy to ignore,” he hated himself a little more.

His tension released as Laney spoke more openly, though his heart hurt for what he’d done to her.

He’d made his apology, and Peter apologized to Diann…well, maybe that had been more of a fight than an apology.

And as they reached a consensus about how to tackle the game moving forward, Lihn shot Peter and Julen a meaningful look.

Peter nodded in silent agreement.Of course he did—this next bit was Peter’s drunken idea.The very thought of it was bringing the tension back to Julen’s shoulders.

But he nodded, agreeing to the punishment.

“What punishment?”Laney asked, eyes wide, after Lihn’s announcement.

“That’s up to you,” Lihn said.

“But…I mean that seems…” Laney looked alarmed, like the idea of punishment was completely barbaric.

“Out in the vanilla world, when people do something wrong, they hopefully apologize.But then the mistake lingers.One party is still upset, the other still feels guilty, and the wound scabs over but never heals,” Lihn said.

All three women nodded to different degrees.

“Here, it’s different.If a sub makes a mistake, a real mistake, the Dom offers a punishment, both to correct the behavior and to offer absolution.”

“And once the punishment is done,” Joni said, jumping in.“The wound is healed, not just scabbed over.”

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