“Fuck,” he whispered. “I can’t do this.”
Abruptly he was on his feet and out the door, slamming it closed behind him.
And on the floor, in a tiny little puddle, was a single teardrop.
Lobo was hurting, and she couldn’t do anything about it. Her presence was probably making it worse. She was a constant reminder of what they could have had.
Sitting down, she howled, letting out her own pain in the only way she could. A few weeks ago she’d been content as a wolf. She hadn’t known how to live as a vampire, and she had nothing to go back to in her human life. Not that shecouldgo back. Kristen Parker was probably listed as missing or presumed dead, and if she returned as a vampire, she’d either be killed or enslaved. So, yes, she’d been content as a wolf. Happy, even. She hadn’twantedto shift back.
But now... now she wanted to be a vampire. She wanted Lobo.
Her eyes stung and her vision blurred as tears threatened to spill.
Wolves don’t cry.
She froze mid-howl as a warm tingle spread through her body. Both times when she’d turned into a wolf, she’d gotten tingles, but they’d been cold, as if she were being stabbed with millions of icy needles. She still wasn’t sure how exactly she’d made the shift happen, but the same pull was tugging at her now. All she had to do was reach out and take it.
Take it.
No!
Panic reached up and seized her by the throat, and it made no sense. Shewantedto be a vampire. She did. She’d have responsibilities, relationships, love.
And pain. People die.
She didn’t want to think about that. Didn’t want to admit that maybe part of the reason she’d been content to be a wolf was that she didn’t have to deal with the death of her mother, the only family she had. As a wolf, her human/vampire emotions and memories had been dulled, and it had worked for her for a long time. But now she had a family again, and something to run to instead of from.
And she had someone to runwith.
The thought of Lobo made her heart beat faster, and then she was through with the second-guessing. She surrendered to the pull, surrendered to the pain of the shift, and a few agonizing seconds later she was standing in the middle of the cabin. On two legs.
Naked. Why did she keep losing her clothes? Lobo never lost his when he shifted.
She didn’t bother looking for something to wear. She sprinted to the door and threw it open. Fog and drizzle painted the sky and the landscape beyond the porch in somber colors, but as Lobo wheeled around, his hair whipping across the hard planes of his face, the world got a lot brighter.
“Tehya.”He stared in astonishment. “What... how...?” She threw her arms around him and hugged him so hard he grunted. “Okay,” he wheezed. “Doesn’t matter.”
She peppered his face and neck with kisses. “I figured it out,” she said between nuzzles and pecks. God, he tasted good. Smelled even better, as if he’d been chopping wood in the rain.
He eased back and looked down at her, his brows pulled down hard over his eyes. “How?”
“Once I realizedwhyI couldn’t shift... I don’t know, it just happened.” She slid her hand down to his sternum and measured his heartbeat in her palm. It was beating as fast as hers. “It wasn’t a glitch with my breeding or my turning. It was a mental block.”
“A mental block?”
“It’s so obvious now.” She was babbling, but she didn’t care. Her body was overflowing with excitement and joy, as if sparkling wine had replaced her blood. “For all of those years, I couldn’t turn back because I didn’t want to. My life was so messed up, and I’d lost everything. What did I have to go back to, you know? I had nothing left to claim as my own.”
He knew. She saw it in his eyes and the way his throat convulsed on a swallow. “But now you have something to come back to? Something to claim?”
“Yeah,” she murmured. “This life. You. You’re mine.”
His grin made her heart soar. “Just promise you won’t pee on me like you do to everything else you consider yours.”
She probably turned a dozen shades of red, but she played it cool. “There are other ways to mark my territory,” she whispered, stretching upward to kiss him.
She wasn’t a wolf anymore, but she still felt the instinctive desire to claim what was hers, and she made that clear by wedging her hand between them to cup his erection.
“Oh, thank the Maker,” he breathed. “Finally.” In a smooth, blindingly fast motion, he lifted her onto the corner railing so her spine bit into the post and her legs were hooked over the log rails. The position left her wide open and exposed... and wildly turned on as she clung to his broad shoulders while he tore open his jeans.