Page 95 of XOXO

“No,” I say. “I can’t.” By now, they would have passed over my slot in the programming, and there was an intermission—people will have read the article. My solo was my ticket into MSM; now Ihaveto go back to the States. The Philharmonic is my last chance. “It’s over.”

“Jenny—”

“What happens now?” I ask.

He must follow my train of thought because he answers,“My company will release a statement.”

“They’ll deny it, won’t they? Like with Sori and Nathaniel.”

“I—I’m not sure. But I’ll do everything I can to protect you.”

“Don’t,” I say sharply.Protect.It’s that word again. But I don’t want the people I care about to protect me, not when it hurts them. Jaewoo. Mom.

Jaewoo had been taking a step toward me, but he stops now, his expression one of hurt and confusion.

“Don’t protect me over the people you should be protecting, your bandmates, your family, yourself. Think of the people who have been in your life in the past, who will be in your life in the future.”

“Jenny, youare—”

“I’m leaving, Jaewoo. In two days. Less than that now.”

There’s a short pause, then he says, softly, “When were you going to tell me?”

And I know, suddenly, what I have to do, what I was trying so hard not to accept. Iamleaving, and even if I leave in two days or a month from now, the end results will be the same.

Jaewoo’s too good, he’ll never break up with me, especially not after this scandal. He’ll do everything in his power to protect me.

If anyone’s going to look out for his best interests, and mine, it’ll have to be me.

“Does it matter?” I say coolly. “We would have broken up in the end.”

He winces. “Is that right?”

“Jaewoo, there was a reason it took so long for us to get together. Our lives are too different. You’re famous, an idol, and I want to go to music school in New York City.”

I think of my mother’s words, just a few days ago. She was right. I just didn’t want to hear it. “I’m going back to my life. You should go back to yours.”

“You make it sound so easy,” he says harshly.

Now it’s my turn to wince. “I’m sorry about the photograph. If your company can just deny it, as long as there’s no other evidence—”

“And damn, someone should have told me our breakup was inevitable from the start, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much.”

“Jaewoo...”

“I didn’t ask you to be my girlfriend because I thought our relationship would end in a few months. People don’t begin relationships thinking they’ll end.”

“No, people end relationships when they know they should have never begun in the first place.”

“Do you really believe that?”

No, I want to say. I want to tell him that these past two months with him, these past four months in Seoul, with all of our friends, have been wonderful.

But I’m in too deep, it already feels like I’m tearing out my heart to say these words, but I have to, because I’m leaving, and it’s better to hurt him now than to tell him what I really want to say, that I think I’m in love with him.

“Yes.”

The door to the rooftop opens.

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