Page 85 of XOXO

I leave before he says anything more, catching a cab and crying the whole way back to the dorms.

Thirty-Four

After taking a long, hot shower, I text Jaewoo on the way back to my room.Sorry for leaving like that. I had a great time with you today.

Jaewoo responds immediately.Don’t worry about it. Thanks for texting me that you got back safe.

For the next few weeks, Jaewoo is more attentive than usual, constantly checking in, sending me his schedule every morning, and calling me at night. I try to put the conversation I had with Sun out of my head, but it worries me to think Jaewoo is messing up his own opportunities because of me. I know that I’ve canceled practice sessions to be with him. It’s just that with the showcase and Jaewoo’s packed schedule, I feel like I’m having to choose between Jaewoo and my future more and more and I feel... overwhelmed.

Since my cello instructor at school has to spread her time between students, I schedule a private lesson with Eunbi over video. After playing my solo for her—“Vocalise” by the Russiancomposer Sergei Rachmaninoff—I listen as she makes corrections and tells me which parts need a bit more finessing.

As our lesson is finishing up, she says, “Before I let you go, I wanted to tell you about an email I got this morning. The LA Philharmonic is interested in featuring soloists from the local high schools. It’s by invitation only and was sent out to all the teachers in the area. The audition is the last Saturday of June.”

That’s a week after the showcase.

“I was hoping to enter you,” Eunbi says, her enthusiasm evident through the screen. “I really think you should come. It’s a great opportunity. Jenny, is something the matter?”

“No, I—” I paste a smile on my face. “Thank you for telling me. Can I have some time to think about it?”

That night at dinner, Sori and Angela notice my lack of appetite.

“What’s wrong, Jenny?” Angela asks. “Tteok-bokki’s your favorite.”

We’re back at the Korean restaurant outside SAA’s main gate, sharing a hot plate of the spicy cylinder rice cakes.

When I tell them what Eunbi said, they’re quiet for a few seconds.

Then Sori asks, “Are going to do it?”

“I’d have to leave Seoul a month early.”

“But it’s, like, the opportunity of a lifetime.”

“I don’t have to do the Philharmonic as long as the showcase goes well.” Though it’s not the same. A solo performance at the showcase will be great for my resume, but a spot on the LAPhilharmonic for the entire summer? Thatisan opportunity of a lifetime.

“Is it ’cause of Jaewoo?” Angela asks softly.

And I know what she’s asking. Is it because I don’t want to leave him?

Only a few weeks ago, I told him I didn’t want him to pass up on opportunities because of me. Shouldn’t I say the same for myself?

Sighing, I reach for my wallet to pay.

“What’s that?” Angela asks.

I follow her finger to where she’s pointing at a small corner of plastic peeking out from one of the wallet’s inner pockets.

I pull out the sticker photo, the one Jaewoo and I took in the booth back in November. I place it at the center of the table and Angela and Sori crowd around it.

“Oh my God, it’s you and Jaewoo!” Angela exclaims.

“Where was this taken?” Sori asks.

“In LA.”

“And you keep it in your wallet?” Angela beams. “How cute!”

“Emo!” a loud voice shouts from behind us, calling the restaurant worker. Startled, I look up to see Jina and a friend of hers sitting two tables down. I’d been so caught up in my own head, I hadn’t been paying attention to my surroundings.

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