Page 83 of XOXO

We visit a few more rooms like this one on the same floor, though smaller. Some of them are occupied by sweaty kids, ranging from ages thirteen to sixteen. When Jaewoo and I walk in, they all stop their practicing to bow, calling him “seonbae.”

They bow to me too, and I mimic Jaewoo, nodding politely.

“Trainees,” he explains.

Afterward, we go down a flight of stairs to the second floor where he shows me a room with a long conference table used for company meetings. The last stop on the tour is the recording studio. Jaewoo pops out to order our takeout before rejoining me. The studio is fairly small, with a leather couch and low table. The majority of the room is taken up by a control panel that looks out onto a separate room encased by glass with a recording microphone hanging from the ceiling.

“When I’m not in the practice rooms, I’m usually here or in the room next door, which has all our instruments. Right before our tour this summer, we’re releasing a special extended album and including a few new tracks. I can play you a sample from one of them, if you’d like.”

“I wouldlovethat,” I say, and he smiles.

He sits on one of the large chairs in front of the control panel and I take the one beside him, swiveling so that I’m facing him.

“Here,” he says, handing me a pair of large noise-canceling headphones. He plays around with few controls on the panel and then music floods my ears.

I recognize the low, beautiful sound of a cello. I look up and Jaewoo nods, a smile on his face. The cello is soon joined by a whole symphonic orchestra, violins striking a powerful chord, then the electric guitar comes in at the same time as the drums, and my whole body shivers at the effect. And that’s only the intro; it gets better from there.

The song is brilliant. It’s going to be genre-breaking once the vocals are added, and I can only imagine how amazing the dance that’ll be choreographed for a song like this will be.

When the sample finishes playing, I take off the headphones. “I love it,” I gush.

“Yeah? I’m glad to hear you say that. It’s a little different than our normal sound. I think it’s because everyone took a part in creating it. Sun came up with the melody, I’m writing the lyrics while Youngmin’s writing the rap verses, and Nathaniel’s working with the choreographer. We’ve included Sun’s interest in rock, Nathaniel and Youngmin’s love of 90s K-pop, and my interest in experimenting with sounds and blending genres. It’s a lot in one song, but...”

“It’s incredible.”

Jaewoo bites his lip. “Do you really think so?”

“Yes! It’s already so good. I wish you could feel what I’mfeeling right now. I’m in shock. My heart is racing. I can’t even imagine what it’s going to be like once you’ve added the lyrics.”

“I’m working on them now.”

“Do I get a preview?”

He laughs. “I think I want to wait a bit, until the whole song is complete, and you can have the full experience. You’ll be one of the first people to hear it, I promise.”

Normally I’d be pleased at the prospect but my mind snags on what he’s said earlier, that the album will be releasedright before our tour this summer. Will I even be here to listen to the song? I’ve been so busy lately with practicing for the audition. It’ll get worse in the weeks ramping up to the showcase. And now he has to prepare for not only an extended album but a tour? How will we get any time together?

“To be honest,” Jaewoo says, his eyes downcast as he slides his hand across the control board. “I was a little worried, since it was my idea to include a song like this. I was afraid that I was leading our group in the wrong direction. But...” He looks up, meeting my eyes. “I trust your opinion. If you like the song, then I can feel confident that I’m doing the right thing.”

I catch my breath, feeling overwhelmed by a rush of emotions. Because I want to be there for him when he needs support, to witness him in moments like these, when he’s on the verge of creating something brilliant.

Just as I want him to be there forme, for my ups and downs, whatever they may be.

But how can we be, when we live in different countries? When we’re pursuing such different dreams, he an idol in aband that’s about to be a global sensation, me a concert cellist? And I don’t even know if I’ll achieve that since I’m canceling practice times to be with him.

“Where are the restrooms?” I ask abruptly.

He blinks, leaning back from where he’d sat forward in his seat, as if he couldn’t help moving closer to me, even with the cameras in the room. “Out the door and down the hall to your left.”

“I’ll be right back.” I swivel the chair around and hop out, following Jaewoo’s directions.

In the bathroom, I splash cold water onto my face, staring blankly at my reflection.

What is wrong with me? Why am I getting so emotional?

It’s just that, I canfeelmyself falling harder and harder for Jaewoo, and at the same time the countdown clock is ticking, for the showcase, for Halmeoni’s surgery, for when I leave Korea. I just feel so overwhelmed.

When I get back, Jaewoo’s no longer in the room. Instead, Sun sits on the leather couch.

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