I frown, unsure what he’s talking about. “Like... back in November?”
He nods slowly.
“So... what,” I ask, “you... saw me that night?” If he saw me, then he’s known who I was thisentiretime. Which means... “Did you recognize me in the uniform store?”
“I did.”
Some of his odd behavior falls into place: how he was curious about whether I’ve always lived in LA, if I’d seen the entirety of the music video for “Don’t Look Back,” because if I’d seen it from the beginning, then I should have recognized Jaewoo.
“Was Youngmin in the van?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “No, I was alone in the back. Our manager was driving. He didn’t see you. I only got a glimpse of your profile, and even then, I wouldn’t have recognized you if it wasn’t for the picture.”
The picture of Jaewoo and me. The one we took in the photo booth.
“He showed it to you?” I ask, incredulous.
“I saw it over his shoulder at the airport.”
I take slow, deep breaths. This is a lot to take in.
“Why?”
I feel like that single word encapsulates all the questions Ihave. Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you pretend like you didn’t know who I was? Was any of our friendship even real?
Nathaniel sighs. “In order to answer that, I have to start from the beginning. I’ve known Jaewoo since I joined the company almost four years ago. In all that time, he’s never broken a rule. He always shows up on time. He does everything the company asks of him. I don’t know if you know this, but he became an idol because of his family, in order to support them financially. Everything he does is for them. And for us. When XOXO became a group, we became a part of his family.”
Nathaniel’s story mirrors what Jaewoo said the night we met about being overwhelmed by a feeling of responsibility.
“That day in LA,” Nathaniel says, “he broke his arm at the music video shoot. And then he just... disappeared. We drove around the city for hours. We were so worried. I thought maybe he reached his limit.... But then, around midnight, his phone came back on. We were already in K-town, so it was only a matter of minutes before we tracked him to that street.”
“I remember,” I say. “You showed up so quickly.”
He nods. “I was curious about who you were. At the airport, I asked him about you, but he refused to say anything. And honestly”—Nathaniel shakes his head—“I was hurt. I thought he trusted me. Then all that stuff happened with Sori and I forgot about it. I was in a bad place. He was there for me through it all; they all were.”
I’m glad that even though Nathaniel and Jaewoo facedifficulties as idols, they have each other, and the rest of the members of XOXO.
“So, yeah, I did approach you in the uniform store because of Jaewoo but I stuck around because of you. And Iamsorry. For not telling you sooner.”
“It’s fine—”
“It just frustrates me to no end that Jaewoo has something that he wants and he won’tdoanything about it.”
My heart hitches at the implication that Nathaniel thinks Jaewoo wantsme.“Is that why you went off on him just now?” I ask.
“That and because I was pissed off that he told you to stay away from me. Like I get that he has more at stake... but don’t take it out on me, you know?”
He has more at stake.Not just with his image and the group’s success, but his family’s well-being as well. It must be overwhelming, that kind of responsibility—enough that he’d tried to run away from it back in LA.
I’d always known our lives were different, but it hadn’t really hit me until now to what extent.
The rain, which had been pouring not a few minutes ago, is now a shimmer in the air.
“I should go back in there,” Nathaniel says with a sigh. “Help Jaewoo clean up the mess I made.”
I follow the direction of his gaze. “What do you think he’s saying?”
“I’m not sure, but he’ll think up something. He’s good atgetting people to see things his way.”