Page 58 of The Baby His Secretary Carries

“You did hurt me.” The admission sent a slicing pain through Gio’s chest. He looked to the ceiling and blinked to hold the dampness in his eyes. “And I hurt you. I shouldn’t have stayed away all those weeks.” He tried to swallow away his regret for that lost time, but it would be with him forever. “Having that much power over each other felt dangerous. It was something I wanted to put back in the box, but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried.”

She brought her hand off his chest and into the nook of her throat, but he caught it, prickled by that small withdrawal. Her desire to self-protect was his fault, he knew that, but he didn’t know how to open himself to her. How to keep her feeling safe while he told her the truth.

They needed the truth, though. There had been too many secrets and prevarications. Only complete honesty would move them forward and that’s what he wanted above all—a future with her.

He drew a deep breath that felt as though it was nothing but powdered glass, trying to find the words to make things right between them.

“I need you to remember two things, Molly. That I was taught not to expect love and that I wanted you from the first time I saw you.”

She went very still. A discernible tension remained in her, but it told him she was listening very attentively.

He played with her fingers and caressed her upper arm.

“Given my history, you and I would have struggled whether you were carrying your friend’s baby or not, but that certainly didn’t help,” he said with a humorless choke.

She coughed a similar dry chuckle.

“I knew you were different the first time I saw you. I knew you affected me in a way that was deeper than anyone else ever had. That’s why I liked having you on the other side of Valentina. I could see you, but there was no emotional risk. Did I want to have sex with you? All the damned time.”

She released another small sniff of laughter and snuggled her head deeper into his chest, which encouraged him to continue.

“The fact you were my employee was a convenient firewall. When I promoted you into Valentina’s position, I was looking forward to getting to know you better, but I was confident I could keep it professional. That didn’t turn out as well as I’d hoped.”

“You were going through a lot,” she said, vouching for him, because she was far too generous. Her lashes lifted and the way she tilted her face up invited him to kiss her, but he made himself resist the urge and finish saying what he needed to say.

“I was devasted by the thought of losing Nonno, that’s true. But I was just as troubled that you were talking of leaving. I could barely admit that to myself at the time. Saying all of this aloud here and now is still very hard.”

She splayed her hand on his chest with such empathy, such care, he would swear she was leaving fingerprints against his heart, ones he would happily wear forever.

“Nonno’s illness gave me the excuse to do what I wanted to do, which was shift our relationship into a personal one, but in a way that demanded very little emotional exposure.”

A skeptical shadow entered her gaze.

“You don’t believe that? Molly,” he chided. “I hold Valentina in the highest esteem and she is loyal enough she would have gone along with a similar pretense. Frankly, it would have been an easier sell that she and I were spontaneously deciding to marry given our long association, but that subterfuge wouldn’t have occurred to me if she’d still been with me. Engaging myself to you was about me hanging on to you in the most expedient way I could without admitting to anyone, especially myself, that I was afraid of losing you. I’m not proud of that. It was dishonest and I shouldn’t have pressured you that way.”

“I wouldn’t have let it happen if I didn’t already care for you,” she chided, moving her hand so it became a pillow for the sharp weight of her chin on his chest. “I knew where the door was. I had credit cards and people I could call. I could have told Otto at any time that it was a lie. I let the engagement happen because it wasmyonly chance to have a personal relationship withyou.”

“I wanted to believe you were with me by choice, but thank you. I needed to hear that.” He combed his fingers into her soft, sweet-smelling hair.

“I shouldn’t have let it go so far, though,” she said with remorse.

“In what way? Sleeping with me? Telling me you love me?”

She bit her bottom lip and nodded.

“I’ve seen the lengths you’ll go to when you love someone, Molly.” He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it stubbornly stayed there. “Would you havemybaby if I asked you to?”

“As asurrogate?” She picked up her head.

“As mywife.”

She withdrew, rolling onto her back with a sharp wince.

“I’m handling this badly.” He came up on an elbow, still loathe to fully expose his heart because it was so damn frightening.

On the other hand, he’d walked through the cold shadows of all the ways he could lose her. He knew now that even if she cheated on him or revealed some venality of character, if she abandoned him or lied or if death stalked her, he would still feel the same about her. He would carry this want, this need, to have her near.

It was terrifying and humbling to be this susceptible to someone, but he was beginning to understand that that was what love was. It was this horribly exposed sensation of having a hole in your soul, one that also let in an abundance of joy and light, passion and harmony. Belonging. It sounded too sentimental to call it “completion,” but it was an end to feeling as though something was missing.

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