Page 64 of Sebastian

The irony is not lost on me when he points to the cat and shakes his head at his ill humor. He’s out the door in a cloud of cologne and stale alcohol before I even have a chance to say goodbye. Locking the door behind him, l lean against the wood and think how drastically everything changed in less than twelve hours.

I rush to get ready and race off to work. The stability and familiarity are welcoming as my brain swirls with various thoughts. I vacillate between staying with him and seeing where this goes, to friends only and, finally, walking away entirely. Meetings turn into video and phone calls until it’s around lunch, and Taylor knocks on my doorframe to catch my attention.

“You’ve been busy this morning.”

Her troubled look tells me she knows.

“Yeah, back-to-back.” I drop my pen on my notebook and push my chair away from my desk to stretch a bit. “By the look on your face, I assume you already know.”

Her frown deepens, matching the sadness I feel inside.

“I do. And I’m sorry.”

She closes the glass door behind her before sinking into a guest chair. If the office weren’t so busy today and my colleagues weren’t such looky-loos, I’d probably break down crying, but now is not the time.

“Is it dumb that I was really starting to like him?” I sigh, my eyes watching a coworker pass by and waving at me.I nod my head back, the only response I can muster at the moment.

“Not at all. Look at Paolo and me. Sometimes the connection is immediate.” Her tone is full of sympathy as she defends my rash feelings. “Honestly, he’s the first guy in a long time to have the confidence to go up against you. You know you intimidate men. It happens here and on your dates. I think him being so sure of himself is something you like.”

“He’s something all right.”

He’s too much, and it did turn me off initially. Then, in the garden, when I saw a different side of him, I was ensnared in the mystery that is him.

“Do you know he even calls me Tiger when I get all bossy and direct? Like you said, he doesn’t shy away from my strong personality, and that’s rare. Ugh, I’m stupid for liking him and now this.”

I slump in my chair, uncrossing my legs and crossing them again.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what exactly did he say?” she implores gently, leaving room for me not to answer if I so choose.

“Well, he came over today at the crack of dawn.” Her eyebrows go up. “Yeah, I don’t know how he got past building security, but there he was with breakfast and a vase of flowers he stole from the restaurant.”

She smiles at the stolen comment but doesn’t say a word.I continue, “Long story short, he’s a wreck. And I get it. It’s scary to be responsible for another, even with all the resources he has. I am sorry for him. Then again, if he had protected sex . . .”

“You know things still can happen.”

Her defending him is nice, but I want to be angry at him for being irresponsible. It would help deflect how badly I feel for losing something great.

“Just let me blame his dumbass.” She makes a production of closing her mouth but smiling afterward. “Anyway, he wanted to know if we could still date.”

“And?”

I shake my head, having been back and forth several times this morning. Sometimes it’s a yes. Most times, it’s a no.

“I don’t know. You know my problems getting pregnant and then finding out I can’t. I thought I made peace with all that, but maybe I haven’t. Maybe it was just talking in my head since the doctor’s diagnosis was a permanent door closing. Could I be with him, his child, and custody exchanges with her? Besides, I think I already gave him my answer when he tried to kiss me, and I didn’t let him.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about your situation.”

A line forms across her forehead as she thinks. Silence falls between us as my assistant knocks on the door, needing something signed. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds of my time before she’s out the door again.

“Do you find the timing suspicious?”

Her voice is intentionally lower as she leans toward the desk. My mind is so weary thinking about myself and him that I haven’t given too much thought to her.

“I guess.”

I sip my coffee, needing something to perk me up as we talk.

“I told Paolo this last night. I think it’s a set-up, a trap to get him back. She looks like the type that would fake it, move in, and then he’s stuck with her. Don’t you think?”

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