Page 100 of Something like Love

I have no idea how she is after our dinner from hell, and I feel a little guilty for not thinking about her till now. So, with that thought in mind, I decide to check on her.

As I reach her door, I hear the whimper again, and I know she’s crying.

Not knowing if I should intrude, I decide to knock. She can always send me away if she doesn’t want the company. I rap lightly on the door, and the crying stops. I wait, not knowing if I should knock again or run in the opposite direction.

Before I have the chance to make a decision, the door opens, and I shrink back at Cynthia’s appearance. She looks like shit, and I instantly feel awful because I seem to be the reason behind her constant sorrow.

We stand, staring at one another uncomfortably, and my heart softens when I see how exhausted she is.

The bags under her eyes reveal she’s had many sleepless nights, no doubt tossing and turning, thinking about our dire situation.

“Are you okay?” I ask, barely audible.

“I’m okay, Mia. I’m just…tired,” she confesses, and I think she means she’s sick and tired of dealing with my mess.

“I’m sorry, Cynthia,” I say, biting my lip, as this is difficult for me to say.

When she remains silent, I continue. “I know this has been hard on you, so I promise, once this is all over, I’ll leave you alone. I don’t expect anything from you. I mean, you told me what I wanted to hear, and I appreciate it,” I say, realizing that although my past sucks ass, I would never trade the truth for lies.

When this is finally over, all I can hope for is to move on from my past, a past that has shaped me into who I am. And no matter how cruel or how shitty it may be, it’s my past, and I’m going to own it.

I won’t allow it to define me because I’m sick of living in the past. I have a new future ahead of me now, and that future includes Quinn.

Cynthia snaps me out of my thoughts. “Mia, I don’t want you to leave me alone unless you want that. What I told you about your past, it’s not something I’m proud of. If I could take it all back, I would. If I could erase your pain, I would. But I can’t.

“The only thing I can do is hope that you will give me a second chance. God knows I don’t deserve it, but I want you to be a part of my life. I’m not naive. I know we’ll never have a normal mother-daughter relationship. But maybe one day, we could just have a…friendship. I’d like that a lot,” she finishes, and I stand with my mouth agape, as this was not what I expected.

After how I’ve treated her, I thought she would be glad to see the back of me. But here she is, extending the olive branch, and fuck me, I want to accept it.

I don’t know what’s changed, but I don’t want to keep fighting with her.

I, too, am not naive, and I doubt I’ll ever get to the stage where I’m comfortable enough to call her Mother.

But maybe one day, I could call her my…friend.

“I’d like that too.”

She nods, brushing away a stolen tear. “Did you fight with Pollyanna?” she asks, and although the subject matter is a crappy one, I’m thankful she changed the topic.

“Yeah, you could say that,” I reply, thinking which fight, as I seem to be fighting with her constantly.

“Polly is just like her father—headstrong and stubborn,” she says, but cringes when she mentions Chandler.

“Quinn said he’ll call him tonight. We really need to get the hell out of here.”

“What about your friend?” she asks with a hopeful look in her eye.

I know she doesn’t want to involve Chandler in my mess.

“I didn’t get a chance to tell you before, but Abi sent me a text message. Sadly, the battery is now dead, so we can’t use it. But anyhow, she said we’re close. It’s only a matter of days until we’re free,” I say, unable to keep the relief from my tone.

“And what happens when you’re free?”

Giving her question some thought, I answer the only way I know how. And that’s with honesty and hope.

“I start living,” I reply, and my heart weeps for that possibility to become a reality real soon.

Cynthia nods but quickly excuses herself, as she no doubt feels the same way.

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