Page 104 of Something like Redemption

Yes, I’m mad at my mom. And I’m not expecting her to welcome me back into her life with open arms, especially considering my current circumstances. But if my dad gets to her first, then I will never know for sure because I have no doubt he’ll hurt her, knowing what it would do to me.

But how do I warn her?

I need time.

I’m not ready to talk to her, not yet.

“We have to warn her,” Quinn says gently, sensing my internal war.

“What?” I whisper, shaking my head. “No, I can’t.”

The walls close in on me.

“I’ll send her a letter,” I lamely suggest, my body starting to shut down as the fear of talking to my mother takes over.

“It’ll take too long,” Quinn says, making a sympathetic face when he watches my shaky fingers reach for my glass of water.

He sighs, leaning forward to reach for my hand, but I pull back because I don’t want his sympathy.

“If youareright, and your dadispredicting your every move, then he’ll guess we’re heading to Canada to see your mom.”

“But we’re not going there to see her.”

“I know. But when we cross that border, you know she’s the first person you’ll want to see.”

“I’m not thinking about a family reunion, Quinn!” I snap, feeling horrible for lashing out, but suddenly, the thought of seeing my mom sinks in, and I’m going to hurl.

“I know this is hard for you. But we have to tell her what’s going on. I know you’re not ready to talk to her, but—” Quinn says softly, his eyes expressing nothing but genuine concern, and I can’t stand it.

I feel like a victim…again.

“How would you know?” I shoot up from the booth, ready to make a mad dash toward the safety of the exit.

“Red, it’s okay to be scared.” Quinn stands, and that damn sympathetic look only worsens by the second.

Scoffing and stepping back, I snarl, “I’m not scared.”

And it’s true. I’m not scared. I’m mad because Quinn is right. I should warn my mother about my father, but a part of me doesn’t want to. And that part of me is evil, the part that screams, “Why should I?”

Why should I warn her that a monster is headed her way? She never warned me about the monster. She left me with him.

What kind of person does that make me? To not want to caution my own mother that she is in danger.

All this time, being on the run, I could push my mom to the back of my mind. But now, I no longer have that luxury because Quinn is right. As soon as I step foot into Canada, I will be hunting her down, and I’m not ready for that part of my life. That is the reason I never sought her out when I found her.

I wasn’t ready.

But now, now I have no choice, and I’m still not ready.

“I’m not ready to see her.” I feel my bottom lip tremble, but I refuse to allow any tears to fall.

“I know, and I’m not saying we have to go see her. I just think warning her is the right thing to do,” Quinn states, gently placing his hand on my upper arm.

But I shrug out of his embrace because I don’t want his compassion.

“I know,” I reply, and suddenly, I can’t breathe as the truth right-hooks me in the face.

“Red, it’s okay.”

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