Page 34 of Wonderland

He shook his head. “No, just her. Diego would have started some weird search for the girl with chocolate eyes and three freckles on her chin. Could you imagine all the imposters?” I had to admit, I’d never even noticed the few freckles on my face. “Milly always understood my darkness and loved me even more for it. She knew I was too hard on myself the majority of the time, and would always point out my good qualities.”

“She had no time for Ness, that I did know. She told me things that woman did to you. How she’d try to get a rise out of you and drive you crazy with jealousy over Matt. The drugs she’d buy and make you take.”

“I did wonder if she’d told you to make you see that there was no competition. You are everything that I’ll ever need. Milly really fancied you, you know. She even had such a crush on you that first year.” Milly Crown had been crushing on me? He couldn’t be serious! “You never have seen yourself very clearly, have you? Even now, married to a rock star, you think you got the prize.”

“I think you’ll find most of your fans would agree with that,” I chuckled as he ran his hands through my hair before capturing my lips with his.

“You are the prize, Straight Lace. You always have been.” Picking me up by my butt, Alex carried me back into our bedroom. If anything could clear his mind for a few hours, it would be our constant loving making.

The next week was very solemn. The excitement of Alex’s book and new album had been overshadowed by losing Milly. Most nights, I held him while he quietly wept, his grief taking over his dreams.

I wasn’t sure how Alex was going to hold it together once the media circus about his book started. It would be followed by his album, which was going to cause even more hysteria. His tour was going to be announced in eight weeks, the timing set to maximise sales. The tour itself wouldn't start for another six months, but the thought of Alex going on the road in this state for eleven months worried me.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Alex asked once we’d finished a meeting with Gina and Iris at Harbour Records. “You were distant the whole time we were talking.”

“Still trying to get my head around everything,” I lied, touching his hand. “I thought the distraction of work might help, but all the tour planning, the dates and countries…it fried my brain.”

“You wait until the stage planning and rehearsals start. Lance has asked for a guitar that shoots fire! I’m not sure how I’m going to get that through health and safety.” Forcing a smile, I swallowed. Part of me was looking forward to going on tour with him, but memories of the Steel Roses reunion tour flooded my mind. “Are you worried about the tour?” He could read me too well. “Baby, it’s not going to be like last time. I’m not with Rock Records anymore, and you’re my wife. I’ll leave Lance, Cody and Mason to deal with all the horny groupies. The only parties I’ll be at are the ones with you.”

“I don’t know how you find the power to calm me even with everything going on. You’re incredible, did you know that?”

“I never want to watch that light in your eyes dim again. Never feel like you can’t tell me how you’re feeling. It’s understandable that you’d be worried about the tour after what happened last time. Obviously, I’ll have to act a certain way on stage, but I always got the impression you enjoyed that while you watched the shows.”

I bit my lip as images of him gripping his guitar, dripping in sweat, invaded my mind. “Yeah, that part made me pretty moist every evening.” Alex let out a low groan, shaking his head.

“Careful, Straight Lace, or I might take you to your office again. We both know what I can do to you there.” Moisture pooled in my sex, and I had to cross my legs. We were alone in the conference room, Iris and Gina having already left. “Or maybe we close the blinds and I’ll spread you across this table right now!” Fuck, he was so tempting. “We can’t lock this door, but I’m game if you are.” He winked, eye fucking me.

“Three times this morning wasn’t enough for you?” I gasped, realising for a split second that I was considering his offer!

“You know it’s not. My cock would love to be permanently buried inside you.” Shit, I had to hold in a groan.

“We wouldn’t get much done, and imagine the friction burn,” I teased, finally standing up. Alex pouted. “Come on, you’ve got invoices to sign.”

“I thought I’d persuaded you for a second there,” Alex whispered in my ear as we wandered down the hallway to my office. Stacey and Jack were in the corridor on their break. Trying my best not to blush, I gave them a small smile as Alex and I walked past.

“Don’t you have work to do?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow up at him. A distraction was good for Alex, but not one that involved me.

“I do need to sort out some things with Kingsley. As much as I enjoy making you blush, I’ll leave you to it.” With a quick peck on my lips, Alex finally left. Damn sexy rock star husbands!

Everyone in the office was talking about Milly. It was difficult to concentrate with employees popping in one at a time, asking if Alex and I were holding up okay. Gina had gone down to the studio to catch a moment alone with Alex. Even she had sadness in her eyes. Milly’s passing had left a huge hole in a lot of people’s lives.

Wiping a tear as I thought about the last time I’d seen her, I continued going through my emails and Alex’s correspondence that Liv had sent over to me. From Monday, his book launch was in full swing. He’d be visiting eight states in six days, doing numerous interviews on TV and radio. His publisher wanted to do book signings, but once we explained the danger with his fanbase, they agreed against it. I’d have to watch Alex closely, make sure he didn’t crack under the pressure. With Milly’s passing, Alex was bound to rupture at some point. I’d be there to catch him when he did, though.

“How many of the songs on this album are about me?” I questioned Alex while I was listening to them in his studio back at home. He’d been pretty secretive about the album up until now.

“Mmm….out of the fifteen songs,” Alex pretended to count on his fingers, “I’d say, umm…fourteen of them.”

“Oh, good, they’re not all about me then!” Rolling my eyes, I gave him an exasperated look. “I can’t believe you have a song called Taste You.” I had to admit that the song was amazing and actually a sweet ballad, I just wasn’t going to admit it to him.

“It’s about tasting your essence. Get your mind out of the gutter!” I seriously doubted people would think it was about that! “My personal favourite is Only Love.”

“Was that the one with the incredible guitar solo in the middle?” Alex nodded, moving to pull me onto his lap so I was straddling him. “The one you sang with Lance was beautiful, too.”

“Jigsaw,” Alex breathed against my lips. “Those lyrics came to me after we said goodbye to our little boy. How it had felt like all the pieces were finally fitting together, then when we lost him, it was like a jigsaw puzzle that had been ruined. I couldn’t find the pieces to put us back together again. Lance sings the lyrics because I can’t manage. It was difficult writing the words. Singing them…I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to do that.”

“It’s a beautiful song in his honour,” I muttered, kissing him softly.

“It might sound crazy, but I think Milly is looking after them up there.” His eyes filled with tears, making mine water as well. “She’ll make sure they’re all cared for until it’s our turn to be with them.”

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