Page 21 of Wonderland

“I have a few chords I like. None of the lyrics match up yet, but I’ll get there.” Resting his face on my chest, Alex breathed me in. Tiny sparks began to trigger a small ache in the lower part of my body! There was no denying it: I wanted Alex. My body was beginning to burn for him. “It feels like forever since I’ve been this close to you, Straight Lace. Why does it feel like I lost a small part of you when our baby died?” His honesty floored me. “You don’t have to answer, and I’m not rushing anything. You can take all the time you need. I miss you, that’s all.”

“A part of me did die, Alex. A part of us. I’m not the same person anymore. I’m not sure if I ever will be, but I love you. That will never change. I’m coming back to you, I promise. I miss the physical connection, too. Please don’t think I’m punishing you or myself. I…I…. it’s hard going back to how we were before him, that’s all. I worry about what will happen when we start trying again. What if it feels like we’re forgetting him?”

“Hush, baby. We don’t have to start trying again until you’re ready.” Alex’s hands were on my face, making me look at the sincerity of his gaze. “We’ll never forget him, I promise. He’s embedded in our hearts. That shit can’t be broken. All we’re doing is building our life around losing him.” As the tears trickled down my face, Alex pulled me closer, holding me until my tears stopped flowing. When I finally looked at the clock, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I’d been in his studio for hours!

“Oh, God, I’m sorry! I’ve been taking up your precious writing time!” I heaved, jumping off his lap.

“Nat, my favourite time is spent with you. You don’t have to go anywhere. Do you want to hear the few chords I’ve gotten so far?” What a freaking stupid question! Yes! “I’ll take that goofy grin on your face as a yes,” he snorted, picking his guitar up. I loved the private shows I got with him. As I sat in his studio and listened to him play, everything else faded away. His music always had the power to transport me to a happier place. All I could see and hear was Alex’s soft, gravelly voice and the strum of his guitar.

Diego always managed to make me look like a goddess. How did he do that?

“I’m glad you went for the black dress!” Diego winked at me in the mirror as he watched me. “I can’t wait for Alex’s mouth to drop to the floor when he sees you.” I’d worn this dress with one thing in mind. My body had been on overdrive with need for him the last few days. I was ready to take the plunge again. Being connected to Alex physically was part of our healing journey.

“I don’t know how you do it. I look like a movie star!”

“No, you look like the wife of a rock legend! That’s what you are!” Touching up my lipstick, Diego took a step back, pleased with his work. “Okay, get down there! Don’t put your shoes on until you get downstairs, though. We know what you’re like!” Yeah, not all of us could walk in heels like him.

Carrying my silver heels, I walked down the steps. When Alex came into view, I had to sucked in a breath. He looked divine in his dark blue suit and white shirt. As usual, he had no tie. The burning between my legs only intensified the closer I got to him. Alex was watching me with pure lust in his eyes. This was a seductive dress, and I was making my intentions perfectly clear to him.

“Did you need a hand with your heels?” His voice was deep and consuming as he spoke. “I can put them on for you if you want?” Oh, what a gentleman. I knew he was nothing of the sort, but allowed him, excited at the prospect of what he might do.

“It saves me from bending,” I smouldered, watching him get to his knees as he took the heels from me. Alex kneeling in front of me…I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe it.

“Don’t talk about bending when I’m using all my willpower to not carry you back up the way you came!” Oh, I was really getting to him! “No one should look as tempting as you. Thank fuck you’re my wife!” Balancing myself by placing my hands on Alex’s shoulders, I watched as he gently stroked my right ankle. “You’ll always be my best addiction, Nat.” His fingertips continued up my legs, sending shivers up my spine. I bit my lip to hold in a groan. Did we really have to go to the award show? His hands stopped at the inside of my thigh as if he was teasing me. Shit! I needed to feel him on my sex. I was almost pushing my pelvis toward his face but stopped myself. “I’m not going to touch you there until later, Straight Lace.” Letting out a frustrated sigh, I gripped his shoulders harder. “If I touch you, this game is over. We won’t be going anywhere tonight apart from our bedroom!”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I teased as his hands moved back down to put my first heel on.

“Baby, I’m showing you off tonight. You look fucking exquisite!” Reaching for my other ankle, he shook his head. “Fuck, your skin is so soft.” Slipping my other heel on, he fastened it into place and then ran his fingers softly on my calves before standing up. “That fucking cleavage is going to be the death of me tonight.” The bemused look on his face told me that it was going to be an interesting evening.

Cameras and flashing lights came from every direction. So many people were calling our names that I had no idea where to look. Alex kept me close to his side as we wandered down the red carpet. “The secret is to look above them. Don’t stare at any cameras.” His lips brushed against my earlobe as he whispered in my ear. “You’re doing great, baby!”

This was the first high profile event Alex and I had been to since we’d gotten married. Everyone wanted a piece of us. I’d lost count of the number of celebrities that had congratulated us. It amazed me how many people held Alex in such high regard. In his twenty years in this industry, his popularity had never dwindled.

Harbour Records had their own table, which had been set up for the meal first. I’d never seen so much shiny cutlery! How many courses were there, anyway? Looking around the large room, I noticed a table labelled Flavour Records, and just a table away from us was Rock Records! Fuck! Had the organisers done that on purpose?

Touching Alex’s chest, I pointed in the direction of the table. “Can you believe how close they’ve put us to Rock Records? Assholes!”

“We both have possible winners tonight. There wasn’t much they could do. They have to keep us in a good camera angle.”

“Do you think Matt will be here tonight?”

“Probably,” Alex shrugged, smirking at me. “I’ll be too busy staring at you to notice him, though. I wouldn’t worry.” Kingsley and Gina joined the table with Lance from Central Demons. He was giving an award out tonight with Alex. MuseX arrived a little later, and with The Midnight Outcasts getting ready to perform backstage, our table was complete.

When the room began to fill up, I froze at seeing Matt and David in the distance. They made their way to their table, but David’s stare was fixated on me. Feeling Alex tense next to me, I knew he had noticed, too. “He can fucking stare, Nat! You can’t blame the guy. You look sensational.” Alex touched my face, kissing me softly. “If it’s making you uncomfortable, I have no issue going over there, though.”

“No, it’s fine,” I whispered as Kingsley offered me some water from the jug on the table. “Matt doesn’t look happy with you. He might start foaming at the mouth any minute.” Alex chuckled, turning to look at his old band mate. I burst into a fit of giggles when he gave Matt a little wave. “Stop! You know what his temper is like! Don’t goad him!”

“I’m done worrying about those fuckers! Matt is bringing out an autobiography next year. My affair with Ness will be included.” What? And he was only telling me this now? “I’ve known for a few months, but I didn’t tell you because you were going through enough already.” Oh! “It doesn’t bother me, baby. I’m not that man anymore because of you. If Matt wants to make a quick buck using my past, he can carry on.”

“Maybe you should write your own? Counter his bullshit with the truth?” I had no idea where that thought had suddenly come from, but Alex raised an eyebrow, looking at me in awe. “I doubt Matt will even write his own. He’ll get someone to do it for him.”

“You are amazing, do you know that? Why didn’t I think of that? If we could get the book out before Matt, that would work even better!”

“Guys! Our boys are next!” Kingsley called, making Alex and I break from our private conversation. The lights dimmed and The Midnight Outcasts took to the stage. The power that surged through the venue was electric. Cole held the whole place in the palm of his hand. I glanced over at Alex, who sat there looking like a proud father. They were on that stage because of him. After their set, they were awarded with best newcomer! We’d beaten Rock Records new band ‘The Lightning.’ Nadia and Adian already wanted to produce their next album. The Midnight Outcasts were on their way to global success. Alex left the table for a little while to congratulate them and then headed backstage with Lance to give the award for best album. Ava came over to keep me company while the The Midnight Outcasts were talking to the press. Alex liked to call it the gauntlet, as you never knew what questions were going to be thrown at you as you walked through.

“Fucking hell! Did you see them?” Ava sat next to me, totally hyped. “I’ve never seen them so energised! They won best newcomers!”

“The tour will sell fast after that performance and award. Did you get to watch them backstage?” She nodded excitedly. Watching the man you love from the side of the stage for the first time was a mind blowing experience. I still got tingles thinking about the first time I’d watched Alex command a large audience. “At least they can enjoy their evening now. I know Cole was really nervous.”

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