Page 49 of Wonderland

“What? Momma, why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t a subject that you talked about back then, and well, you came along and mended our broken hearts.” I reached out, taking her hand in mine. “It was so difficult before you came along, though. There were babies and small children everywhere. You must know how hard it is to move on when you feel extra sensitive to all the children because they’re exactly what you lost. Prams and pushchairs, all the family adverts, young children playing with their mothers. When you don’t have a child, it can be very painful to watch something that you haven’t been allowed to experience. It almost destroyed your father and me. I didn’t have a child to come home to and it broke me!” I knew exactly what my mother was describing, and my heart was breaking for her. “It takes a special kind of woman to keep trying, knowing the heartache that might follow. But I promise you, Natty, this baby is a blessing. You came to us unplanned, and this baby will be just like you. Strong and determined. I know you’re scared of failing, but you can do this. You will do this.” Tears were streaming down my face. It was a good job I’d finished my soup as the bowl fell off my bed. My mother and I embraced for the longest time. “Whatever fight you had with Alex, don’t be too hard on him. He loves you very much,” she whispered into my ear, kissing my cheek as she let me go. When she got up, she picked up my bowl and spoon from the floor. “You can stay as long as you want, but you need to go and talk to your rock star at some point.”

“Do you find it crazy that I’m married to my childhood crush?” I sighed, looking around my room. Young Alex was looking at me from every direction. Ugh! Even though I was angry with him, my insides burned when I looked at his posters. I knew that man staring back at me inside out, and I loved him more than I’d ever loved anyone.

“Not really. I knew you were destined for great things.” My mother winked at the same time the doorbell rang. She moved to look out my bedroom window. “I think Alex is here.” So much for not running after me this time, huh? Shit! I couldn’t let him see my room! There were posters of him everywhere. “I’ll send him up. The two of you need to talk.”

“He can’t come in here!” I panicked. “Look around!”

“You don’t need to hide who you are around him. He already knew you were a fan.” I could hear Alex downstairs, talking to my father. “She’s up here, Alex!” my mother called from my doorway.

“Traitor,” I teased, giving her a small smile.

“I adore your husband, Natty! Not because he’s a gorgeous rock star. I adore him for the way he loves you.” With another wink, she left my room. I could hear her greeting Alex on the landing before he was suddenly standing in front of me.

Fuck! His face looked so tormented. “Baby, I’m sorry! I was a fucking idiot. I got scared, that’s all. I know that’s no excuse for the things I said and I’m sorry. I love you so fucking much. I want this baby to stay just as much as you do. I don’t want it to break you, to break us. Fuck! I’d give my soul to the devil if it meant I could keep this baby safe.” His words knocked the breath out of me, and within seconds, I was reaching for him. Alex closed my bedroom door and crossed the room. His hands found my face as he kissed me with so much force that I gasped into his mouth, almost taking a breath from him. Tears were streaming down both our faces.

“I’m sorry,” I sobbed. “I didn’t mean anything I said. I’m scared, too.”

“Everything is going to be okay, baby.”

“I’ve been taking the pill for weeks. What if the damage has already been done?”

Alex pulled back, searching my face. “This is our miracle baby. If we manifest that, we’ll get through this. You haven’t done anything wrong, beautiful. Your body is perfect. And if we need to reschedule some of the tour, so be it! I don’t give a fuck at how much that will cost us. You and this tiny life are my only priority right now.” His hand rested gently over my stomach and the tears came faster. These were happy tears, though.

“I’m only six weeks at the most. I don’t think the pregnancy will affect the tour. I’ll only be seven months when we finish. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to fly that late, though. I…”

“Straight Lace,” Alex interrupted, soothing the start of my panic attack. “Breathe. We’ll get a doctor to look over you tomorrow. We’ll work the rest out together.” Pulling him back down toward my mouth, I sighed against his lips. We became lost in the kiss for a few minutes, our lips moving together in a silent apology to each other.

When he pulled back, Alex finally began to take in my bedroom. Standing up, he moved, picking up a picture of a young Liv and me. I was waiting for a smartass response, but to my surprise, his eyes were soft when he looked back at me.

“This was the day of the last Steel Roses concert?” Taking it in, I could see he was right. “Fuck, it’s like pulling a memory out of my mind. I had forgotten what you were wearing that day.”

“This bedroom hasn’t changed since my teenage years. Once I went to university, I didn’t come back here.”

“There is a lot of my face on your walls,” Alex smirked. “Fuck, I was a good looking fucker back then. Look how high my cheekbones were.”

“You still are,” I snorted, getting out of bed. “Check out the inside of my wardrobe,” I told him, suddenly unashamed of showing him how obsessed I’d been with him.

When Alex opened the doors and gasped, I stood behind him, taking in all the handmade posters and drawings of Alex. “I was pretty obsessed with you,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around him from behind.

“No shit! Is that one of my used napkins? You were one of my stalkers, weren’t you?”

“I won that napkin, actually!”

“You do realise, it’s probably not even a napkin that I ever touched?”

“I was twelve. I believed everything back then.”

Alex moved to run his hand over the napkin. “There you go, I’ve touched it.”

“Oh, my life is complete! That’s why I married you, you know. To lure you to my old bedroom and touch my napkin,” I joked. Alex spun me around, desire dripping in his eyes.

“I bet you thought about me touching things other than your napkin.” Backing me against the wall, I was suddenly aware that I was only wearing a T-Shirt. No, we couldn’t get it on in my old bedroom with my parents’ downstairs. “Am I right?” Alex asked, his hands running down my stomach toward my panties. “Did you fantasise about me doing this here?”

“Y…Y…Yes!” was all I could force out as his fingers slid into my panties. He captured my lips with his, drowning out my moans as he worked me quickly, bringing me to a climax within minutes.

“Fuck, I can’t believe you did that,” I panted, shaking my head.

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