Page 12 of Deny Me

Five

“What the hellhas you so antsy?” Jameson asked from behind the bar. He was getting us drinks for our weekly lunch. I was the first person there and sat in my chair at the table, biting my thumbnail and staring at the gray suede of my booties bobbing up and down.

“Nothing. Why?” My mind was racing, thinking of the possible reactions Lu would have when I showed her the dress I had stayed up sketching until three in the morning. I hadn’t been this excited about a design in a long time. And the fact that it was for my best friend frayed my nerves.

“You’re just quiet. Usually you come in with flair and give me hell.”

“I don’t have to mess with you all the time.” My answer was dull while I stared at the scratches in the wood floor. He was right, though. When I’d arrived, I’d only had brief conversation with him. Even then I answered distractedly.

What if she didn’t like it?

I dropped my bouncing foot and turned as he placed our drinks on the table. “What’s going on, Evelyn? You’re never this distracted unless something is wrong.”

Biting the inside of my cheek, I sat up and fully turned to him. His eyes rested on me, waiting me out. That was Jameson. Always the rock of the family. Even though he wasn’t my family, he had been there when I needed someone. Nostalgia relaxed my posture, allowing me the comfort of having this man before me. I held his eyes and let the moment stretch between us. There weren’t many that we could enjoy like that.

“Talk to me.”

My shoulders lifted with my huge sigh and my eyes dropped to my nervous fingers in my lap. Needing to say it out loud, I figured Jameson was as good a person as any. I didn’t want to attack Lu as soon as she walked in, so maybe admitting my nerves would settle them. “I came up with a design for Lu’s wedding dress and I’m nervous she will hate it, but won’t say she hates it because we’re best friends and then it will haunt our friendship forever as the dress she hated but had to wear on her wedding day. Like Beyoncé with her mom who designed her dress and five years later it comes out that Beyoncé hated it and it sits between them like an awkward elephant in the room.” It all rushed out in one solid breath.

Pulling a deep breath in, I looked up to find his eyebrows raised in shock at my diatribe. But then he started laughing. Full belly laughs that made him fold in half in his chair. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened, glancing side to side to make sure I was the only one watching Jameson have a big ole giggle-fest over my distraught nerves.

My jaw clamped shut and I ground out, “It’s not funny, Jameson.”

Sitting back up, he dragged a hand down his face, scratching the scruff on his cheeks. “Evelyn …” He laughed a little more, but his tone rang with some admonishment. “Would Lu tell you she liked a dress just to make you happy?” I cocked my eyebrow, letting him know that it was no surprise that she would. Lifting his hands in surrender, he agreed. “Okay, okay. Yeah she would.”

“See! I have every right to be nervous,” I accused, stomping my foot.

“You have no right to be nervous,” he replied in all seriousness, not laughing anymore. Lifting his hand, he silenced me. “I have seen your designs. You make amazing clothes and anyone would be lucky to have you designing their wedding dress. And you know Lu better than anyone. Of course you will design something beautiful; it’s what you do.” The words were delivered so casually.

He didn’t even realize that he had just given me one of the best compliments I’d ever had. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest it swelled so big. I dropped my head and reached for my water when tears burned my eyes. Of course I had been complimented on my work before. Many times. But coming from Jameson, who rarely approved of anything out of the norm, such as freelance fashion designing, it was some of the highest praise possible. No one had ever given that to me before.

I never sought anyone’s approval, but getting it from him lifted me up higher than I had been before. I didn’t know what to say. A silence was starting to linger and become awkward. Or maybe it was just me since he didn’t seem to care that he was bringing me to tears. “Jameson …” I croaked out past the lump in my throat. I didn’t know what I wanted to say, but I had to try.

Before I could utter a word, the door flung open with a chilling breeze from the outside air. “Hey guys, sorry we’re late. Jack and I … were busy.”

Jameson cringed and got up to get them drinks. I wasn’t sure how I felt, since being soft with Jameson wasn’t a situation I usually found myself in. But with Lu sitting across the table from me, my earlier nerves returned. Jameson’s surprising reassurance kept me from being a stumbling mess, but it was still nerve-wracking whenever I shared my designs.

“What’s for lunch today?” Lu asked Jameson when he set the drinks on the table.

“Pizza. With lots of pineapple and bacon.”

“Oh, gross!” She made gagging faces sticking her tongue out and Jameson just smirked. “You know fruit has no place on a pizza. It’s just foul!”

“Hey, hey, hey. Fruit is the perfect contrast to the salty bacon. Am I right, Evie?” He looked to me for reassurance, knowing I loved Hawaiian pizza. It was about the only thing we ganged up on Lu about.

“The man is right,” I agreed. “Pineapple and bacon is just glorious.”

“Traitor.” She looked to Jack for support.

“No comment.”

“All of you. Traitors.” Pushing Jack, she went on. “Gosh, I feel like I don’t even know you.”

“Don’t worry, Princess. I made an all cheese just for you,” Jameson assured her.

She threw her hand to her forehead and fell back in her chair. “Thank God. I thought I was going to have to starve.”

The cook brought the pizzas out to the table and we all began to eat. When the conversation had settled, my nerves came back and I could only pick at my food, peeking up at Lu every once in a while. The drawing was burning a hole in my bag and I didn’t know how to get started.

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