Page 49 of Deny Me

“Stubborn.” I let out the heavy breath that had been sinking in my lungs. “We are both too damn stubborn to give up and end this without a fight.”

“You’re probably more stubborn,” I countered, childishly.

“Evelyn…” He cocked an eyebrow at me, calling bullshit.

“I know. You’re right. I would totally kick your ass in stubborn.”

We let the conversation end and I let the music and the sounds of his heart soothe me. This was more comfortable than I ever imagined I’d ever be. I couldn’t help but wonder why I fought so long.

“Why did you always hold back?” The question popped out.

His chest rose on a deep breath. “You know, you’re always the kind of woman I pictured myself with.”

At his admission, I lifted myself up with wide eyes. “What?” I gasped.

Laughing at my exaggerated response, he pulled me back to his chest. “Don’t act so surprised.” He placed a soft kiss to the crown of my head and continued. “I lost a lot of my wild side over the years. The more I lost, the more I imagined settling with a woman who would bring it back out of me. Watching you through the years made me realize how much I wanted someone to balance out my seriousness.” I made an affirmative noise, letting him know I was listening, but I didn’t want to interrupt. Instead, I rubbed my hand up and down along his chest and abdomen. “But you were always out of reach with your inability to settle down.” Even though it was true, I couldn’t deny the irrational pinch in my chest at him not being able to have me. Emotions seemed to hit me from left field ever since I let Jameson in. They didn’t usually make sense, so I kept them to myself. “And I didn’t want to change our dynamic for one night. No matter how much you tempted me.”

“I didn’t always tempt you,” I teased.

“Your existence tempted me. Your free acceptance of life wrapped up in that sinful body was more temptation than a man should have to endure.”

“What changed your mind in Jamaica?”

A single laugh shook his chest. “Hell, I don’t know. Maybe I was drunk.” His hand tugged my hair and pulled my head back to look up at him. “Maybe you pulled out enough of my wild to say fuck it and finally have what I’ve wanted.”

“And what is it that you want?” I asked teasingly.

“I vaguely remember you saying something about riding my face,” he said, turning so he was hovering over me. “Or was that all talk?”

“Oh, I never say anything I’m not ready to back up.” Holding his challenging stare, I reached down and began undoing my pants.

“Good.” He leaned back on his haunches and yanked my pants down. “Because I’ve been jacking off to that for years. It’s time to back it up.”

* * *

After Jamesonand I had thoroughly christened his new bar, we laid partially naked on the blanket letting the cool air from the vents dry the sweat from our skin. Remembering the email I received earlier, I decided it was as good a time as any to bring it up while we were relaxed and sated.

“I’m glad we have this time. I’ve been meaning to tell you something. I didn’t mention it before because I never thought anything would come of it. But then I got an email this morning.” I took a deep breath and looked up to find his eyes squinted in question. “I applied for an internship in Italy on a whim a few months ago and I never thought I would get it… But I did. They offered me a two-month long internship in Italy. Maybe longer if they like my work.”

Jameson pulled his arm from around me and sat up. “What?” he asked softly.

I sat up too, pulling my shirt to my chest. “It’s a huge opportunity. I would get to meet huge designers and get my name out there. It’s only two months. It would open so many doors,” I rambled nervously.

He dug his hands roughly through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut. “What the hell, Evelyn? It’s two months. We’ve been together – what? One month? So you’ll be away more than you’re with me?” I knew he wouldn’t be excited about me leaving, but I didn’t prepare myself for him being that upset. “What happens when you get back? Will you leave again?” He asked roughly.

I felt my defenses rising. “You knew this about me.”

“I didn’t know you wanted to leave,” he yelled, throwing his hands out wide.

“Don’t yell at me, Jameson,” I ground out. I held my ground staring at his pinched lips and clenching jaw. I figured he wouldn’t have been happy, but I wasn’t going to sit there and let him lose his temper with me. In that moment of our stare-down, our breaths coming heavy, I heard my mom’s words. Don’t ever sacrifice your dream for a man. You take care of you, Evie. Biting my lip, I looked away trying to push the words from my mind.

“Listen,” he broke into my thoughts. “Let’s just stop. This just came out of left field and blindsided me. I wasn’t expecting it and I reacted badly.” He pushed a hand through his hair and looked up at me with soft blue eyes. “I’m sorry. I know this is a big opportunity and you know I support you. It just makes me nervous.”

I heard his apology and I appreciated it. But the words of anger were said and planted. I wanted to push them out but knew it wouldn’t be that easy. Conceding for the night, I spoke down into my fidgeting fingers, “Well, I haven’t accepted yet.”

His strong arm came into view before wrapping around me and tugging me onto his lap. I straddled his hips and wrapped my arms around his neck as he kissed up my sternum to my neck. He began whispering small apologies with each soft press of his lips. My body relaxed into his embrace and nodded my head, letting him know I accepted his apology.

He bit my bottom lip and pulled back. “Would it be selfish if I asked you to stay?” His smirk let me know he was joking. But I still heard the hint of sincerity, too.

I didn’t answer. I managed to lift one side of my lips with a forced smile and leaned in to kiss him more to hide the fear that question instilled in me.

Fear at how it made me feel when he asked, because a part of me wanted to go home right then and reject the position just so I wouldn’t lose the feel of his arms around me.

And that scared me.

What other sacrifices would I make? Is this what it was like? Was my mom right?

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